with mixed feelings

My time on the farm is nearing its end. The travelers begin the long trek home tomorrow morning and by Friday, I'll be back at Mom and Dad's house for the weekend before my midnight megabus ride home on Sunday/Monday.

I'm anxious to get back to my apartment, to finish unpacking & get organized before the semester begins, to see my friends. I'm not anxious to return to the city, the el, the concrete and constant noise.

And while I'm anxious to get back to real life, I'm also wishing I had another week or so here (or that I could rewind a week or so) to be more productive. Television seems to be my Achilles heel when it comes to productivity, and I have lost many, many hours to CSI reruns and other brain-draining nonsense (on the upside, I finally saw Juno, which I loved). I'm fighting the urge to turn on the crack box as we speak.

I didn't do much reading--a Nora Roberts novel, the first few chapters of The House on the Hill, a Cesare Pavese novel (still working on that one), a bit of Ted Hughes' Birthday Letters, and MacNolia by A. Van Jordan (a reread, but well worth it). Also, I don't think I ever made it to 10 pages, but definitely over five, and still working on a long poem which should get me to the goal (two weeks late). I spent a good chunk of time on my Intro to Poetry syllabus, and another good chunk of time catching up with friends...so it wasn't all wasted time. But I do wish I could get back the time I spent watching Wife Swap, at least. Oh, and napping. I did a lot of napping...too bad you can't bottle that--I think I'm going to have a sleep deprived semester ahead of me.

So, was my stay in the country a success? The jury's still out. It'll depend on whether or not I arrive back in Chicago energized and driven...or if I just pout and mope because I'm back in the city. One thing I am sure of--I'd still pick this lifestyle over city living any day of the week. So cross your fingers for me that when I go on the job market in a few years, there's a small town college looking to hire a poet.

And now, back to the to do list--not the TV.

meme

Is it a meme if you don't tag anyone? I tagged people on facebook. But I like this one so much I have to do it here, too. If you like it, consider yourself tagged.

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My Life According to the Indigo Girls

The rules:
Using only song names from ONE ARTIST, cleverly answer these questions. Pass it on to 12 people you like and include me. You can't use the band I used. Try not to repeat a song title. It's a lot harder than you think! Repost as "My Life According to (BAND NAME)"


Pick Your Artist: Indigo Girls

Are you a male or female?: Dairy Queen

Describe yourself: Girl With the Weight of the World in Her Hands

How do you feel: Closer to Fine

Describe where you currently live: Starkville

If you could go anywhere, where would you go: Come on Home

Your favorite form of transportation: scooter boys

Your best friend is: Hope Alone

Your favorite color is: Bitterroot

What's the weather like: Southland in the Springtime

Favorite time of day: Cold Beer & Remote Control

If your life was a tv show, what would it be called: Language or the Kiss

What is life to you: Moment of Forgiveness

Your fear: I don’t wanna talk about it

What is the best advice you have to give: Love Will Come to You

If you could change your name, you would change it to: Cordova

Thought for the Day: Shame on You

My soul's present condition: Fill It Up Again

My motto: Everything in its own time

funk

Yesterday was such a good, good day, I can't figure out why I woke up in a funk today.

I keep thinking about stupid things I've said and social foibles and flat-out unfriendly things I've done and wishing I could clean up my past as easily as I can clean up my wall on facebook.

I'll get better at this being a grown-up thing eventually.

menagerie

The dogs can't decide...inside or out. They want me to share my lunch (garlic mashed potatoes) but I'm not going to because they're not supposed to beg.

I was told the birds only squawked when they were hungry, but they've been fed and are still squawking.

The horses seem to be uncomfortable walking through the mud. The pretty ones make out when no one else is around. The old one farts when he walks.

The cat with one ear is staring at me. The cat with blue eyes is also staring at me. The fat one grunts when she gets on and off the couch.

I've only spotted one possum--but there's evidence of raccoons and skunks, too.

I won't even mention the Goat Man.

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And now the little dog is doing unspeakable things to the cat with one ear.

I feel dirty.

A much needed ego boost

After Hours has accepted my poem "Advice from a Hotel Maid" for their next issue. That's two journals/five poems in less than a week.

Thanks, universe, I needed this.

My regular readers will know that my confidence as a poet/academic/person has taken a hit this last year, what with my rather uninspired transition to city living and PhD work. It's good to be reminded, even in this small, largely subjective way, that some folks (besides the ones that love me already) appreciate my work.

Two of the poems were written during my MFA, one was written while I was still in Akron playing the adjunct game, and two were written during my first semester in Chicago. I think that's a pretty good spread.

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I got sucked into the abyss that is cable (err--satellite) television for the last couple of days and have not met my goal, which was to write ten pages in less than a week (okay, originally it was to write ten pages in 3 days, then five, then in less than a week). My friend Kristina is coming to the farm to talk poetry on Wednesday, so the new goal is to have ten pages by the time she gets here. I do have 2 new pages, so that's 8 that I still need. I'm channeling Maggie Anderson here, and her 10-pages-in-a-weekend assignment that kicked my ass/provided a much needed break-through in my writing the summer that I was working on my thesis.

Speaking of Maggie Anderson and the post-Bisbee writing assignment, I should give a shout-out to this year's Wick Fellows, including my friend Frank. I think they're starting their workshop tomorrow and will be heading out to Arizona next week, but I could be wrong. At any rate, I wish them much joy and artistic inspiration and camaraderie.

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And before I go, one more picture of my idyllic home in the country. I'm so wishing I could stay forever.

morning musings

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I still wish I was a better photographer. Or at least knew better how to use my camera.

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4 poems accepted for Arsenic Lobster this morning! Now comes the fun part: writing withdrawal notes. Also, they want a "less academic, more lively" bio. This is one of my greatest fears...having to stray from the form and say something interesting about myself. Perhaps one of you should write my lively bio...

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I haven't left the farm since Monday afternoon. I made some progress on Monday and Tuesday, but yesterday, I watched TV most of the day. There are a million things I want to do while I'm here, but I also have to remind myself I'm kind of on vacation. This is the first time since, oh, I don't know, 2006 that I haven't had to work and also haven't had any real (read: professor enforced) deadlines. I have to allow myself to relax and decompress a bit. I'll be here two weeks--I don't have to get everything done in the first three days.

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I was going to try to quit drinking coffee while I was here, but that's not working. Also, made a rule back in May that I wasn't allowed to drink alone anymore, mainly because I always buy a bottle of wine and then don't finish it, thus wasting money, but I've been drinking wine on the porch every night, all by myself. So much for rules/resolutions.

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Today is my sister's birthday. Happy Birthday, Beth!

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I think I'm going to have taco bell for lunch. Then I'm going to go to one of the street side produce stands and have something very fresh and very healthy for dinner. Hopefully there will be zucchini involved. Maybe even an eggplant.

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I guess that's all I've got for now. I'm sure it was terribly boring.

wildflowers

and slowly, the grass and the trees and the flowers and the big open sky are pulling my self back to my self.

Day 1 wrap up

Revised three poems today. Or rather, turned three crappy drafts into poems. I'd call my first day in the country a success.

I also laid out in the sun, got a little color (sorry sun-screen fanatics, I'm all about tan lines) and read a romance novel. But don't tell. I should have been reading Ted Hughes or Karl Marx.

By the way, Nora Roberts circa 1983 is phenomenally bad. I mean, way, way worse than Nora Roberts circa 2003. Apparently, even romance novelists have room for improvement.

Let's call it a residency

So here I am, on the farm. It's not house sitting, it's a mini-residency with horse privileges.
I'm the luckiest girl in the world.
I might never go back to Chicago.

This is where I'll be spending most of my time.
And this is the view from the front door.
And this is Taylor and Turbo, who have been right there guarding the driveway ever since their people left. I imagine they'll stay right there until they come back. Pictures of the horses coming soon.

Forgive me for not staying, I'm off to breathe in the clean, country air.

randomness

Some of the things my weekend will include:

• a drink with Anne
• much, much unpacking and organizing
  
• cleaning my old apartment
• trying to figure out where to drop off my old modem
  
• packing for my 3 week trip to Ohio
• driving to Ohio (third 6 hour drive in three weeks. Fun!)

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I don't have internet access at home anymore. Trying to save money/be more productive. This has already changed my internet habits. Blogging just doesn't seem so important--but facebook still does. We'll see how/if that changes as I get more used to only being online once a day.

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I will probably be blogging while I'm farm sitting, though, since they have wireless and I'll be taking pictures of horses and wild flowers and such.

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That's all for now. Have a nice weekend.

Almost nearly

I move to my new place tomorrow. I'm almost nearly ready. Have to walk over to the Uhaul place a couple blocks away to get more boxes. I always run out, which usually isn't a big deal, bc I just start throwing stuff in trashbags and whatnot, but the movers won't appreciate that so I have to buy boxes. Sacrilegious.

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I've taken to sleeping in such a position that my shoulder almost always hurts. Will someone please tell my joints that I am still in my 20's and not ready for them to start mutinying? (I can't believe mutinying is actually a word. Weird.) Will someone please tell sleeping me to roll over and put her arm in a normal position?

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There was much revelry on Thursday and Friday nights, so by Saturday, the actual holiday (as you know) I was all out of my being-around-people fuel and sat around moping last night and being pissed at the neighbors for lighting off fireworks in a very unsafe manner. I know I was just in Ohio and am going back in a week, but I really wished I was at home for the holiday weekend--for mom's lung transplant anniversary and for sparklers with Philip the cutest five year old boy on the planet and for fireworks in the dark--on the upside, I did go to a yacht club party where they had white zinfandel for $1 and the band played country. They also played a little MJ for us, and man, I've never seen people get so excited about dancing/singing along to 'Billie Jean". I was on a sort-of-but-not-really date with the bass player of the band, which made me feel super cool, except for the part at the end of the night when I realized that the sort-of-but-not-really date would be our last. I guess it's better to figure that out right away instead of wondering for three days if he'll call. And why am I talking about this here? I don't blog about dating. Sigh.

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I feel like summer is about to end. I move tomorrow and will be settling in for the next few days and then on Sunday I head back to Ohio for my 3-week house sitting gig. Then it's August when I get back and I have my first pre-semester meeting on August 17. Poof. Summer's over. But oh, how I look forward to my three weeks in the woods. I'll be so happy to be there I won't even mind the mosquitos.

I'm in love

with my new apartment. Can't wait til I'm all moved in.