Who knew?

I learned the most amazing thing today. If you start working on a paper a couple of weeks before it's due, you can take a break when you hit a wall. You don't have to just keep at it even when your brain has turned to mush.

I was hoping for a five page draft, but I ended up with a 13 page outline-ish thing. It's enough to get me through the meeting I have scheduled with the prof tomorrow, and hopefully said meeting will help me get through the wall.

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Speaking of walls, I haven't thought much about NaPoMo for a few days. Not since Saturday, actually. I wouldn't say I'm giving up, but with the semester winding down, I think all of my creative energy is going to be going to these two papers I'm working on. If a draft happens to come to me, I'll post it, but I'm not going to force it. I'd say that the 15 or so drafts I've gotten are a pretty big accomplishment, considering I usually spend a semester coming up with 10-12. There's still, what? 9 days left this month. I could maybe get a few more.

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I am dying to start working on my course materials for Intro to Poetry for the fall, but that just can't be a priority right now. I have decided not to use a text book (unless someone can suggest something that is perfect) which means that I have to compile a course packet. It's going to be lots of fun (and for once, I'm not being sarcastic!). I also might teach a couple of full length collections...but how do you pick?

18.5

This one doesn't feel like it belongs here.

--poof--

Day 18

This is totally unedited. Totally random. Here goes:

poof

Thursday & Friday's mini drafts

I'm trying, really I am. But this...it hardly even counts.

Day 16

poof


Day 17

poof

*

See, I told you. Uninspired. My standards for what counts as a poem have plummeted.

I think I'm still 3 behind.

I'm also massively behind on my seminar papers (as usual). But I'm all caught up on my grading, and I'm done with my homework for Monday, so *hopefully* I'll get somewhere this weekend.

I wish someone would come over and do my dishes.

& my laundry.

And while I'm making wishes, if anyone wants to write me a check for $3000 so I don't have to work this summer, I'd be pretty okay with that, too.

3-in-1

Well, I took Kelli and Oliver's advice (thanks guys!) and lowered my standards. Here are my 3 mini drafts from yesterday. I'm still a bit behind, though. Maybe I'll get 3 more today (ha!).

Oh, and I guess I should say that these are all dealing with personae from my thesis. I'm trying to figure out if the ms is really done or if I have more to say. I'm still not sure.

15a: Donny Takes a Night Class

poof


15b: Stella on the Playground

poof


15c: Lessons from a Grill Cook

poof

*

I've been trying to write a poem titled "Lessons from a Grill Cook" for years. I think I still haven't.

Every other day?

I don't want to give in. I don't want to say I can't keep up with NAPOWRIMO, but it seems I'm slipping further and further behind. I wonder, if I said I was going to write a poem every other day, would I be able to meet that goal?

I used to believe my first drafts came quickly, in bursts, but I don't think that's true. #12, which is actually something like #10, (just day 12) took a good six hours to write. The one before that--the one in which I didn't actually write anything--took 3 or 4 hours. The others came quicker, but they were short, and like I said before, they were kind of boring.

The other thing that's strange about writing a poem a day is that what should be notes for a poem, or the first couple lines of a poem, has to stand in for the finished product. My sister sent me an email yesterday and said, "Is it just me, or is there a theme of confession in these poems?" Yep, sure is. I write my obsessions, and currently confessions--both in a religious sense and in a personal sense--are taking up quite a bit of my head space. But does that mean I would write several poems about confession in a normal situation? Nope. It means I would bang away at one poem about confession for several days until it said everything I wanted it to say. (with the exception of "Confession 1946," which is part of a series and would have gotten written sooner or later anyhow)

So, is NAPOWRIMO productive? Or an exercise in frustration, futility, and guilt (because I do feel tremendously guilty when midnight rolls around (or I go to bed, whichever comes first) and I haven't written a poem)?

I have written more in the last 13 days than in any short block of time since I finished my thesis. That's good. But I don't know how many of these suckers are worth revision. And if I've generated 3 or 4 drafts that are just going to take up space in my poetry folders, what good is that? I have enough shitty drafts already.

Well, I'm not quitting yet. Maybe I just need a 2nd wind.

Day 12 - 20 Little Poetry Projects

As you could see from my spotty performance over the last several days, my muse has been pretty lazy for NaPoMo. So I thought an old school poetry exercise was in order. 20 Little Poetry Projects never fails to deliver and I'm pretty happy with this, although I think the end gets a little weak. It could use a title, too, I guess.

#12

Day 11

This one might be a cheat, too. Or it might be a cento. All the words I've used are from Margaret Atwood's "Postcard." Centos are usually made up of more than one poem, though, aren't they? I don't know. All I know is this was hella fun, so even if it is cheating, I don't care. Thanks for the inspiration, Ms. Atwood.

Day 10 (sort of)

Day 10 was a big cheat. I did another exquisite corpse at another bar and this time I only wrote two lines. My friends got a bit carried away.

Thanks to Tadd, Andy, Rebekah, Collin and Anne for "helping" me.


*

I'm really, really planning to write something myself today. I need to get back on the wagon.

Day 9 - Fail

It's time for bed again and still no poem. 2 days in a row. I wrote three lines of something ghazal-ish, but not good, not done, not worth posting.

I'm feeling bored by the stuff I keep coming up with.

I'm glad the weekend is almost here, but I'm not really looking forward to it. Just work, no fun plans. If I were in Ohio, I'd spend Saturday afternoon at my folks' and Sunday afternoon at my sister's. I miss weekends like that. I miss routines and familiar kitchen tables. It's going to be really, really weird spending Easter alone. Hopefully they're playing The Ten Commandments on one of the channels I get.

Day 7, Poem 7

poof

Poem 6, Day 7

I just couldn't do it last night. But this one is actually part of a series I've been working on, so I feel like the delay was worth it. I'll still try for another today.

Confession, 1946

Five

This weekend seemed like a wash...it was 2:30 on Sunday afternoon and still I hadn't gotten motivated. Then, I decided to go to the bar. And I worked--really, really worked--for three hours without interruptions. Without checking facebook or email or my blog. What is it about that bar that makes it easier to concentrate? Is it the darkness, the mahogany, the awesome satellite radio station they play, the lack of internet connection, the never-ending supply of alcohol? Who knows. But, despite the damage it will do to my budget (this is no dive bar--this is a fancy, seasonal beer bar), I'm thinking about making this a weekly outing.

*

Day 5 poem:
gone

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I kind of hate this poem, except the last 3 lines. But it's a first draft! I have to keep reminding myself that just because these poems are going public doesn't mean they're finished. My first drafts are always kind of...yawn.

4 days in

and already, I'm feeling the strain of forcing something new every day. Or maybe it's just been a long week. I couldn't manage to accomplish much of anything today. Hoping tomorrow is more productive, less draining. Anyway, here's poem #4:

Day 3

gone

Down to the Wire / NaPoWriMo #2

It's good to force myself to write--I don't usually. But I am not sure how I feel about posting hot-off-the-press first drafts. I guess I'll get used to it.

*

We Forgot Minnesota

NaPoWriMo #1

With a little help from my friends...(written exquisite corpse style at Lil Joe's last night):

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I don't know that drunk PhD students should try to write poems after class, but this is what happens. Can you tell which lines I wrote?

I'm four lines into poem #2. Will post later.

Yep, that's right

It's 3 a.m. and I'm still up. I've been working on a personal statement and proposal for a summer workshop since about 10 p.m. (with breaks, of course). It's so hard for me to think of my work in terms of a project when my natural tendency is to write the poems and see how they fit together later. I guess this is a good exercise for me. And I'm almost done, but I'm at that point where I'm not thinking straight but I'm too hopped up on soda to go to sleep right now. Hence the middle of the night blog post.

I've been doing terrible on NAPOWRIMO, and I think I'm throwing in the towel. I'm stressed out about enough other things that I don't need to add the stress of forcing myself to be creative when I'm not feeling it. I'm just going to focus on being a good academic for the rest of the semester and focus on poems over the summer. It's a sacrifice I'm willing to make because my term papers for this semester are going to be fun to write.

I guess I should try to get some sleep. I wonder if I will still wake up at 7:30 when I'm up this late.

Poem #4

had some good stuff in it, but was too sentimental and too personal to post. I think if I can revise it though, it will be a good way to deal with religion in the Tracey family--Mom's Catholic, Dad's an atheist, it always creates some interesting dynamics.

For now, I'm off to teach MLA format. My favorite class of the semester! (Blah!)

Poem # 3 and a walk in the park

is also not very good. I'm really not good at forcing poems to come. I'm more of a wait-for-inspiration kinda poet. Maybe that's why my thesis isn't long enough yet.

Hopefully I will have a new napomo poem for y'all soon.



It still doesn't look like spring in the Naturealm, but it felt like it today.