reluctantly heading back

I don't know why I always take pictures out the window of the megabus.

Lots to do on this ride: have to write a response to Kant's "What is Enlightenment," write a poem (Gary and I have switched from poem-a-day to poem-a-week, with a Monday deadline. Somehow I'm always scrambling on Monday night.), read some Dante, and finish some Italian homework. Once that's done, I'll either try to watch some House episodes online or read Rita Dove's Sonata Mulattica. (I'm about 50 pages in--so far, so good.) There'll probably be some napping, too.

I'm not quite ready to be heading back to the city/back to school. I already miss my peoples.

Spring Break Randomness

I found this post card at the coffee shop the other day and absolutely love it. The photographer is Brian M. Heiser, and I might just have to beg him to do my cover art some day. The post card is just about the exact visual representation of my poem "The Orchard".


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Speaking of cover art reminds me of that lonely manuscript that I've been neglecting. Hoping spring break affords me some time to hammer away at it. If not, I will at least do some serious submitting. It's hard to get published when you only send work out once every six months.

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Twilight is at the top of my netflix list. I only get one movie at a time and two a month (which is often more than I have time for) so I'm trying to figure out when the best time to send back the movie I already have will be. If I mail it today, they might get it before Twilight is released. If I wait...all the teenie boppers might get it and start holding it hostage and I won't get it until next month. I'm pretty anxious to see if Edward is more charming on screen than he is in the book (I thought he was kind of a douche-bag, to be honest).

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I don't know if I've ever really blogged about this, but I'm pretty obsessed with my Italian heritage. I'm almost as obsessed with the Bulgarian side of the family (and the suspicion that we might have been gypsies), but that's not the point right now. When I was a kid, I was bummed that I didn't have a cool Italian last name (my mom's maiden name is Morelli, her mother's maiden name is Bentivegna). I was also bummed that I didn't get as good of a tan as my mother, and that my hair wasn't as curly as my sister's. Who knows genetically how "Italian" these things are, but in my mind, there was a one-to-one connection. Vanity aside, I've always loved all things Italian and all things Italian-American (although I admit, I'm not much of a mobster movie buff, and that doesn't quite make sense to me) and recently, Facebook has introduced me to someone who shares my obsessions (Hi Joey!). This is perhaps one of the first Facebook connections with someone I didn't already know that might be somehow productive. We're going to be chatting Italian-American poetry and whatnot and I'm really excited.

I've also decided (almost decided) that I want Italian to be my language requirement for my PhD. I took 4 semesters of Spanish in college, but they don't count because I got a C my 4th semester. I could take a placement test and hopefully remember enough to place me in that 4th semester again, but I think I'd rather start fresh (besides, then I'll be a tiny bit tri-lingual). Now my super-undeveloped plan is to take 2 semesters of Italian next year, then go to Italy next summer (maybe some intensive classes) and start checking out the contemporary poetry scene over there. Maybe do a little translation. Ah, pipe dreams. And credit card debt.

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I'm heading back to Ohio next week for a few days and am worried that I'm not going to get enough work done. I have to take my car to the dealership, go to the dentist, do a bunch of other errands that I can only do in Ohio because I haven't fully transitioned to being an Illinois resident, plus see friends and family...but I have about 18 books to read (that's only a slight exaggeration. It's more like 9), two paper drafts to write, a stack of papers to grade, and all the po-biz stuff I was talking about earlier. Whatever happened to relaxing?

One down, seven to go

I just finished up my first PhD application. This is such a tedious process, but at least now I can stop fretting over my personal statement, which I think turned out pretty well.

I really need to get some ink for my printer. I bought the wrong kind. Hey, do you have a Lexmark 3-in-1 printer? I have some ink (32 black and 33 color). I'll mail it to you. (I already opened it, so I can't return it.) It'll be like a little, super functional Christmas present.

Today, I grade portfolios. My poor students this semester...I'm always behind on grading. Next semester, I'll be better.

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Now that I'm not a student (so weird!) I need to start making assignments for myself so I keep up with all this academic stuff. I'm thinking about revising and sending out some of my critical papers, starting work (brainstorming mostly) on that single girl anthology I talked about a while back, researching my mafia project, sending out my ms, and maybe a chapbook, trying to get some more conference presentations... I'm crossing my fingers that I get into a good PhD program, but if I don't, I need to get myself in the habit of being an independent academic, if there is such a thing.

Another thing, which I've talked about here before, is a reading list. I've started one on good reads, but I think what I'm going to do next is reorganize my bookshelves into read and not read, and then just plow through it. I'm such a slow reader. Maybe I'll sign up for one of those speed reading courses. But really, I know what they're going to tell me--the problem is when I skim or just read first and last sentences or any other speed reading tricks I've heard over the years, I don't retain anything. And isn't the point of reading to learn and remember?

And theory! I think, and maybe this will sound backwards, I finally know enough to start reading theory. When I first started grad school, everything I read theory-wise sounded like greek to me. I was so confused. But I think that all those buzz words and mini-lectures (this is a chair! Why is it a chair? Because we call it a chair! It's sign and signifier, baby!) have snuck into my consciousness and now I'm ready for the heavy stuff. We'll see. I'll never be a fan of Foucault, but maybe it won't make me cry this time around. (Seriously, I cried when I read Power/Knowledge for a class presentation. I thought I'd get laughed out of the room.)

Alas, I don't have time for all of this right now, because a sweet little meagle is waiting for her walk.

Grown ups

I'm feeling very adult today. Paid my rent (does it count as late when the first is a Sunday?), went to the bank, bought some veggies and fresh herbs and made a marinade so I can have grilled chicken for dinner, and am about to clean and do some laundry. It's like I'm a housewife, except without the husband. Somehow, it doesn't seem right without the perk of someone else's paycheck.

The temp agency called today and said, "I know you have summer classes, but do you think you could work anymore this summer?" No! Nononononono! Must read! Must write poems! Must go shopping for hiking boots and clothes that will be suitable for Arizona in July (I own exactly 1 pair of shorts, and it doesn't fit). Oh, and don't forget the fall syllabus for my comp class. Now that I sorta, kinda know what I'm doing, I think it's time to revamp the plan.

My grandma says if I go to the University of Nevada for my PhD, she'll come visit. She likes to gamble. As much as I'd love to entertain my grandmother in Vegas, I don't think I'll be applying to UNLV. We'll see. Everyone says if I go to the University of Nebraska, Lincoln, they're not coming to visit. Come on people. How can Nebraska be any worse than Ohio as far as weather and entertainment go? So far, based on my minimal research, Nebraska is my favorite.

The dust bunnies are calling. Gotta go.

Can we live through February?

It's snowing today, a lot, and all the local schools are closed. I get why the colleges didn't close for the cold, bitter temperatures, but I don't understand why they aren't closed for the rapidly falling snow, and as far as I can tell, the roads aren't getting plowed. Some of Kent State's regional campuses are closed, but not the main campus, where my class is. Still, I think I'm going to skip (my first missed class in two or three semesters) because I have an irrational fear of driving in bad weather.

I went downstairs with a basket full of laundry, but all the machines were full. Clearly I live with some folks who did get a snow day today, because usually on week day mornings, the laundry room is empty.

Oh, and you may be wondering about my frequent posting after my claim that my to-do list was devouring my life. Well, let's just say I was over-reacting. I hunkered down on Sunday and barreled through that list. Now I'm only feeling nominally overwhelmed, which leaves plenty of time for blogging.

Still crossing my fingers for a last-minute class cancellation.

Yikes!

Do you ever have one of those days when you look at your planner/calendar/to do list and think your brain will explode? I'm having one of those. I just realized that I have something going on every day except tomorrow and next Sunday until after AWP. I'm sure everything will get done on time and with relative competence, but I'm not really looking forward to the next two and a half weeks anyway.

It's times like these when I wonder how much more relaxed I would feel if I didn't have technology in my life. No blogs to update or read, no DVR to record Grey's when I have to be somewhere on a Thursday night, no text messages or emails to answer... Perhaps, if I was a more disciplined person, I would not let these things take up so much of my time. I'm going to try, for the next two weeks, to only blog/read blogs/watch TV when everything else is caught up. So for now, good-bye. And don't anybody tell me what happens to Meredith and the big burning ferry next Thursday!!

I'm standing at the edge

Well, I wrapped up fall semester yesterday. Turned in my last minute projects, student grades, and held office hours from 12-2 so my students could pick up their portfolios. I am done.

This should make me very happy, as I've been anticipating it for days, no, weeks. But this is what happens when I find myself with a multitude of free-time. I become paralyzed with the possibilities. What to do first? What to put off? Where do I begin? Should I start off being practical--catch up on laundry, go to the grocery store? or should I start with the good stuff--bury my head in a book, write five new poems that have absolutely no point and no place in my thesis? I can't decide, and so I find myself piddling around doing nothing... which is very, very dangerous.

Anyone else feel like this at the end of a semester?

Week 12 slump

I'm not sure if it is always week 12, but there is a point in every semester when I can see the end, but I'm not quite sure how I'm going to get there. I am at that point right now. Academically, this semester is probably the easiest since I've been in grad school. No lit courses, no heavy theory courses, just a workshop, an internship, and practicum. I have two short essays (one on my internship experience and one on my teaching philosophy) and two portfolios (a poetry portfolio for my workshop and a teaching portfolio to go with my philosphy essay), but no research papers or annotated bibliographies. This feels nice. Yet I can't get myself motivated to do it. The internship essay is due Saturday. I have a feeling I can crank out a good one Friday night, but I'd like myself better if I spent a few days on it. The other stuff is going to have to wait until after Thanksgiving, when hopefully the good home cooking and four days off will refresh my brain enough to get motivated.

The thing that is really dragging me down is teaching. I spent three hours yesterday trying to decide what to teach today. I feel like it is too late in the semester to start anything new (I only have 8 actual class sessions left, and four of them are dedicated to a movie and an in-class essay about the movie) so I decided that today I will explain the final portfolio to them, and the rest of my class time will be spent workshopping their revisions. Is this cheating? Because I now have no other class prep to do for the rest of the semester. Just grading. I feel like I'm short changing my students. Then again, they're probably getting short-changed anyway since I'm cranky and exhausted most days. Well, next semester will be better, right?

Today is going to be a very long, exhausting day, but I'm looking forward to it. After I teach, I will be conferencing with my students for a couple hours, then there's a round table about PhD programs (with the always enthusiastic and insightful Mary B), and after that, I'm driving an hour out into the country to help another prof's wife work her horses. I cannot even describe how excited about that I am. I used to ride when I was a kid and have been dying to start doing it again. I hate traditional exercise (treadmills, spin classes, no thank you) and riding is a great workout. Maybe doing something physical and mindless will kick-start my brain.

After today, I plan to spend the rest of the week on that internship essay and some submissions--there's a contest deadline Friday and hopefully I can put some regular submissions in the mail on Saturday. I've gotten rejection letters from everyone I sent to over the summer, so I'm getting nervous about not having anything (except my chapbook) out there. Makes me feel like I'm not putting out the effort that I should be.

finish chapbook...check

Well, I've done it. I picked some poems, put them in order, and decided to call it The Secret Prophecy of Thumbs. Tomorrow morning, it goes in the mail for my very first chapbook contest.

I have this weird feeling--like a sense of accomplishment mixed with fear of forgetting something. Like accidentally turning in the rough draft of a term paper instead of the revision. I can't explain it. I guess it comes from knowing that I've come a long way since I've been working on my MFA, but not quite sure if I'm ready to be calling a group of my poems a chapbook. There are some poems that clearly go together, and some themes threaded through all (or most) of the poems, but I'm not sure they work in a cohesive group just yet. And there are two or three poems that I wanted to include, but they just aren't ready, and won't be before the deadline for this competition.

The good thing is that I can now cross this off my to-do list and focus on other things. I need to write my class plan for next week and start really focusing on my Winter Wheat presentation. I've been thinking about it and planning it in my head, but I have yet to put anything on paper. I can't believe it's just two weeks away! When that's over, it's term paper time, then my first time grading freshmen portfolios, then Christmas break. After that...thesis. Holy cow. There's just not enough time!