Every other day?

I don't want to give in. I don't want to say I can't keep up with NAPOWRIMO, but it seems I'm slipping further and further behind. I wonder, if I said I was going to write a poem every other day, would I be able to meet that goal?

I used to believe my first drafts came quickly, in bursts, but I don't think that's true. #12, which is actually something like #10, (just day 12) took a good six hours to write. The one before that--the one in which I didn't actually write anything--took 3 or 4 hours. The others came quicker, but they were short, and like I said before, they were kind of boring.

The other thing that's strange about writing a poem a day is that what should be notes for a poem, or the first couple lines of a poem, has to stand in for the finished product. My sister sent me an email yesterday and said, "Is it just me, or is there a theme of confession in these poems?" Yep, sure is. I write my obsessions, and currently confessions--both in a religious sense and in a personal sense--are taking up quite a bit of my head space. But does that mean I would write several poems about confession in a normal situation? Nope. It means I would bang away at one poem about confession for several days until it said everything I wanted it to say. (with the exception of "Confession 1946," which is part of a series and would have gotten written sooner or later anyhow)

So, is NAPOWRIMO productive? Or an exercise in frustration, futility, and guilt (because I do feel tremendously guilty when midnight rolls around (or I go to bed, whichever comes first) and I haven't written a poem)?

I have written more in the last 13 days than in any short block of time since I finished my thesis. That's good. But I don't know how many of these suckers are worth revision. And if I've generated 3 or 4 drafts that are just going to take up space in my poetry folders, what good is that? I have enough shitty drafts already.

Well, I'm not quitting yet. Maybe I just need a 2nd wind.

Weekend Updates

Went to Pittsburgh on Friday with a couple of NEOMFA friends to hear Jan Beatty read from her new book, Red Sugar. People, if you don't know Jan Beatty, you need to read this book (and her first two, Mad River and Boneshaker). She's my new poetry idol. I mean, I loved her work before, but now I'm obsessed.

Probably the coolest thing about the reading was the crowd. I don't know if it is a Pittsburgh thing or a Jan Beatty thing, but the audience was wound up from the second Judith Vollmer introduced her. It was almost like going to church--I think I heard a couple of "Amen!"s from the crowd, especially when Beatty talked about unions, steel workers, and freedom of speech (I guess she was recently censored at a bookstore for being un-family friendly). Since I'm trying to be a working class poet (okay, I guess I was born that way, but you know what I mean (I hope)), I really enjoyed being part of an audience that didn't seem--for the most part--academic. Her poems are sometimes comlicated and non-linear, but when coupled with her explanations prior to reading them, they make perfect sense, and hit home in a lot of ways. At the end--a standing ovation. I don't think I've ever experienced that at a poetry reading before.

That's what I want...to write poems that speak to people both inside and outside of academia, poems that will recieve praise from my colleagues but will also resonate with my family and people like us. I think that somehow, Jan Beatty has achieved that. And I'm going to immerse myself in her work until I figure out how.

*

In other news, and I'm sure this comes as no surprise by now, I am really, definitely, for sure moving to Chicago and going to UIC in August. I'm terrified--of moving to the city, of starting a PhD program at all, of leaving home for the first time--but starting to get excited. As I've said before, I'm really looking forward to being a student again. And I'm sure that I will adjust to urban living. But we all know adjustment stresses me out. It'll be an interesting experience no matter what, and some people (Michael Dumanis) seem to think that being outside of one's comfort zone is the best place to write good poetry. We'll see. Now I just have to figure out where to live and how to move. I don't want to beg all my friends to drive to Chicago with their back seats full of books, but it might come down to that. or maybe I can talk my parents into loaning me the money for a Uhaul. I'll pay them back in 2049, after my student loans. Oh, wait, that would make my mother 108 and my dad 111. Hmm...

*

Okay, so here's the story on my random comments about my personal life: I'm dating someone. I've been single for two years and am totally out of my element in this regard. But so far, so good. Today, I'm meeting his parents. Oh my!