yay!

Ever since I started submitting my poems, I've become obsessed with the mailbox. It kind of reminds me of when I was in high school and had church camp pen-pals all over the place. So imagine my disappointment when nothing but bills and flyers have been in my mailbox for at least a week.

Then I check my email...

Harpur Palate just picked up a poem. Yay!

This is my first print journal/journal affiliated with a University pub (outside of journals somehow connected to the NEOMFA), so it feels different. It means that sooner or later, there will be a little book in my mailbox, and my name will be inside it.

Who Needs Sleep?

This should be the national grad-student anthem.



I'm trying to get organized tonight, making sure I know exactly what goes in every PhD app and that I'm sending the right stuff to the right places. Turns out, I forgot to write down the schools I sent GRE scores to, and I'm not going to get the score reports until after the first deadline. I think that means I have to waste $60 resending some that I might have sent already. Also, I just found out that UNL no longer requires GRE scores (not even the general test!), but I did send them reports, so that was a waste too.

Let's face it. I'm starting to panic.

Frantic

I've gone and done it again. Waited and waited to get started and now I have to rush on everything.

Why, after 22 years of education and almost 9 years of college/grad school, have I not learned how to better manage my time?

Today, I'm working on a review of Wayne Miller's Only the Senses Sleep and have to finish reading Leadbelly by Tyehimba Jess. Then I have to read my friend Aaron's thesis manuscript. If I finish those things in a reasonable amount of time, I have to decide what is more important: PhD apps or my final project for Non-Fiction.

I told someone yesterday that I hadn't started my personal statement or my writing sample, and he said, "it sounds like you should go ahead and take a year off." AAAAHHH! Have I really procrastinated that long, that it might be better to just wait? No. Because the same thing would happen next year. Besides, if I stay for the 08-09 school year, it would be too easy to stay for the o9-10 school year and the opportunity it would bring (don't know if this is supposed to be public or not, so sorry for the crypticness). I have to do this now and then decide what to do next if I don't get in anywhere. Although I don't think that's going to happen. Cocky or confident? You decide.

Anyhow, in West Akron, a meagle puppy is waiting for her mid-day walk and I haven't had breakfast yet (I suppose it's lunch, now), so I must go. Toodles.

I tried to stay away

but my blogging addiction has to be fed.

*

Speaking of addictions. I've smoked since I was 19, but I hid it from my mom until I was 26. After I confessed, she asked me to continue pretending I didn't smoke around her. That lasted for a while, but when I spend a lot of time at her house, it's really hard to watch my family go out to the porch to smoke. And my refraining may be part of the reason Carla and I often want to kill each other.

So, I decided since I would be at Mom and Dad's for 3 days, I would quit pretending. But still, every time I went outside, I felt guilty. And embarrassed. Is shame a good reason to quit? I've heard good things about this. Maybe I'll try it.

*

Thanksgiving was good. The house is very small, though, and I am clausterphobic. All of my sisters were in attendance, as were 5 of my seven nieces and nephews and 2 of their 4 kids. Plus all three of my brother-in-laws. It was crowded. I love having a big family, but sometimes it's not good for the recluse in me. I wonder where Thanksgiving will be next year. Will Mom and Dad be in Florida then? Will I be far, far away in PhD-land? Who knows.

Oh, that reminds me. I've known my sister Carla's husband since I was 13 or 14, which was long before they started dating. He's a pretty quiet guy most of the time, but when he loosens up, he's often quite sarcastic and a little mean (perfect for my sister, really). We get along pretty well, but 98% of the time, if we're talking, he's teasing me. So imagine my surprise when, during dinner the other day, he said something nice (and not even a little sarcastic). I was talking about applying for PhD's and said "if I get into any programs..." and he said, "when you get into a program..." I know. It doesn't seem like much, but if you knew Ryan, you would know that was a pretty big compliment. Another thing to be thankful for.

*

I've finally procrastinated long enough that I'm motivated to get things done. I have 2 book reviews due on Wednesday and a presentation in Non-Fiction a week from Monday. Plus that nasty personal statement and my writing sample for PhD apps. And the apps themselves. But I like filling out forms.

*

I'm graduating in 2 weeks. Well, I guess it's technically 3 weeks until commencement, but I'm not going to that. My graduation reading is in 2 weeks, though, and that feels more official and important. I'm still working myself up for a really sentimental MFA-in-review post that will be full of nostalgia and fun pictures. Mary doesn't understand my love for all things sentimental (cheesy pop songs, romance novels, chick flicks, etc.) but I bet she'll get a little teary-eyed when she reads my graduation blog.

After that, there are going to be some changes around here. For one thing, my "fledgling poet" tag line has to go. And I still want to think of a new name for the blog (suggestions welcome). I'm also going to go through old posts and censor some things because I'm going to have my Comp 2 students write their own blogs next semester and I don't want them finding my "I don't know how to teach" posts. Also planning to update my background and blogroll. And maybe trying to do some more po-bizy posts.

*

Okay. I got my blog fix. Back to Baptist Confidential.

Thankful

In the holiday spirit, a short list of things I'm thankful for:

• poems, and the ability to write them


• a (relatively) healthy family


• awesome friends


• good weather (at least for today)


• fresh strawberries in the off-season


• student loans (so money is not an issue, at least until six months after I graduate)


• a light end-of-the-semester to do list


• this email (which means I do not have to update the pdf version of my thesis):

"Your ETD submitted paper looks great and is error free. My records indicate that we still need a signature page from you. Please make sure to submit one ASAP."

*

I'm off to "teach" in a minute here. Several people in my class are already on their way home for the holiday, so I imagine there won't be much actual teaching happening. There may be a game of pictionary, though. Do all students love drawing on the chalkboard, or just mine?

After that, I'll be heading out to Mom and Dad's house and will probably be there until Friday. When I first got my driver's license, I loved the trip between Mom and Dad's house and Akron. Sometimes drove it six times a week in a 1980 Lincoln Continental that got 8 miles to a gallon and leaked oil. Opened my sun roof, cranked up the radio, and barrelled down the high way at 79 miles per hour (I was convinced if I didn't go over 80, I wouldn't get pulled over. And I didn't get my first ticket until long after my trusty Lincoln was in the land-yacht grave yard.) I had school in Akron, and friends in Akron, and I was happy to drive to see them. These days, I try to see as many people as possible while I'm at my parents' house so I don't have to drive back and forth. Sometimes my plan back fires, though. Last Christmas, I went out there and then got a call that my friends from high school were hanging out in downtown Akron. I called ahead this time. (And to the left, a slightly embarrasing picture of me with the brown beast. I called her Bessie.)

Anyhow, I hope everyone has a good Thanksgiving. I imagine it's going to be pretty quiet around the blogosphere for the next few days, so we'll see if I can stay away as long as everyone else does.

Visiting Hours

I have my first "visiting writer" gig today. I'm going to be reading some poems in Mary's new poetry class with Michael Dumanis, Robert Miltner, and Dawson Steeber. After the long line of poets Mary's been bringing in this semester (Kate, Jeannine, HL Hix, please, please tell me I didn't forget anyone) I'm going to have a bit of performance anxiety. Excited to hang out with Mr. Dumanis though, and hear him read. I'm almost done with My Soviet Union, and hopefully I will have time to completely finish it before I go walk Rubi.

*

Yesterday, my boss came to observe me (despite my valiant efforts to postpone his visit again) and told me...I suck at lecturing. *Surprise!* No, he didn't say I suck at lecturing. He just said I rushed through and didn't give enough examples. Duh. That's why I wanted him to observe me on a day when I was doing group work, which I know I'm good at. Lecturing makes me nervous, he makes me nervous, it's really not a good combination. But overall it went well and I think he's still going to let me join the adjunct army next semester.

*

Yahoo weather tells me it is 59 degrees outside right now. I think I have to go check that out.

The Queen of Procrastination

Oy vey! Do I know how to waste time or what? This is what I accomplished this weekend:

• Commented on students' rough drafts
• Talked my boss into rescheduling my observation again (I think)

This is what I hoped to accomplish:

• Rough draft of Non-Fiction final project
• Book reviews for Mary's class
• Rough draft of personal statement
• Class plans for the rest of the semester

Yeah, I suck at life.

But on the upside, I got to hang out with my parents all day Saturday. And I got plenty of sleep.

I work well under pressure. I don't have any deadlines this week, so there was not nearly enough pressure for me to be at my best. This week will be busy with my sister in town and Thanksgiving and trying to hang out with my non-school friends, who I routinely neglect during school. The craziness should help me accomplish something, although I'm not sure what.

I'd set a goal for myself to be ready to send out my PhD apps next weekend, but that is definitely not going to happen. Oh well.

I wish I had something cheery to post about, but at this time of the semester, my whining tends to outweigh everything else. *Sigh*

Country Bumpkin

At least I know someplace I can go if I end up in Chicago next fall.

Which reminds me. Kelli and Jeannine are talking about small town life. I am a small town girl. One of my biggest fears is moving to a big city. I'm pretty terrified of just visiting, to be honest.

A couple of years ago, I went to Chicago for work (back when I had a job that paid for travel) and if I could have stayed in my hotel room the whole time, I would have. It was nice. But there was no reason for a 22-year-old communications coordinator to be in a 5-star hotel off Michigan Avenue. When the bellhop (there's probably a fancier name for him, right?) asked to help with my bags, I thought, I'm not tipping you to carry my borrowed suitcase to the elevator, thank-you-very-much. The guy probably got paid more than I did to begin with. The next trial? Trying to figure out what to eat because everything on the room service menu was more expensive than my per diem allowed. I finally decided on an $18 cheese burger and hoped I could slip the receipt past my boss without her noticing. I called my mom that night and almost cried while telling her I wished for the Holiday Inn and a Papa John's pizza.

It never occurred to me to leave my room, go for a walk, look for some cheap hot dog street vendor, experience the city that I couldn't see from my hotel room window. I was taught that sweet country girls shouldn't go out in strange places alone.

I told Mary that I can't fly to New York for AWP by myself because I'll panic between luggage claim and the hotel check-in desk. I know there are airport shuttles, but that doesn't make me feel any better. I don't know why. And you would have to pay me a lot of money to get on a subway alone. I watch Law & Order, I know what happens down there. (I'm kidding!) But seriously. I'm not a fan of public transportation. Sure, it's good for the environment, but not for my nerves.

Another country-bumpkin story for you: Senior year in high school, a couple of friends and I decided to go to Cleveland to see the Christmas lights in public square. We parked at the airport and took the RTA downtown. Everything seemed hunky-dory until we realized we were about to miss the last train of the night (Cleveland is pretty small on the big-city scale, you know. The trains only run until about 11). We run to the terminal and get on the last train of the night. But ten minutes later, the driver gets on the PA and asks us (we're the only ones there) if we know where we're going. We say, sure, we're going to our car at the airport. No. We're not. We're on the east bound train. And country-bumpkins don't belong on the east side of Cleveland, according to our driver. He stops the train and waits with us until a West-bound train comes by to save us. Nothing went wrong, exactly, but the fact that the driver waited with us didn't make me feel very safe.

Anyhow, the point of all this is that I'm a walking target whenever I get out of my comfort zone. And for some reason, I'm still planning to apply to UIC. I guess it would be good for me to move to a city for a while, experience something different, but I don't know. I don't think I'd be happy in an urban environment. Even Akron is too much city for me sometimes. I have to find grass, trees, 55mph speed limits and double yellow lines. What would I do someplace where I would have to learn how to parallel park and read bus schedules?

Whenever I list off the schools I'm applying to, people say, oh, you don't want to go to Nebraska, it's so boring. Boring sounds good to me. Boring is better than bustling metropolis any day. Do they have Target and Olive Garden in Nebraska? Then I have all I need.

Caution! Venting Zone Ahead!

Sometimes, even people who are detail oriented miss the details.

My thesis is due on Monday. As in, final draft. As in, convert it to a pdf and submit it electronically. As in, my whole committee, the chair of the English department, the Dean of the college of arts and sciences, and the dean of the graduate school have to sign off on it.

I didn't want to have to worry about it over the weekend, so I set myself a goal to finish it today.

I called the Dean's office to make sure he would be in his office today. I dropped the form off at 12. It took until 3 for him to sign it. No big deal, right? I was busy trying to convince Microsoft Word that it is not smarter than I am. Changing page numbers, margins, doing one final proofread.

At 3, the Dean's office calls to say my form is ready. Around that same time, I successfully complete the pdf conversion. Pick up the form, drive to the Polsky building (it's cold, I'm not walking 30 minutes round trip just to drop off some papers). It's now 3:30. I'm in a great mood because I think my thesis will be 100% finished in just a few minutes.

But no, that's just not how life works. I wait for fifteen minutes in the grad school office to hand someone my forms. She takes one look at my signature page and says, "Your margins are wrong. You're going to need a new form."

Great. Just flippin' great. Have I mentioned that I am in a consortial program? That one of my committee members lives in Youngstown and the other lives in Salem (which may as well be Pennsyl-freaking-vania)? Both of these places are at least an hour from Akron. And 45 minutes from each other. I'm instantly thinking, great, I'm going to have to drive around for 3 hours on Monday morning getting these signatures so I don't miss the deadline. I tell the girl with the ruler in her hand that I have a major problem with said ruler. She looks at me like I killed her puppy.

I apologize, say I didn't mean to be rude, it's just, well, I can't easily get these signatures again. No worries, the Monday deadline is just a submission deadline. You don't really have to have everything perfect until the day before commencement. Everyone has to make changes after they turn everything in the first time.

Okay, fine. But if everyone has to make changes, why on Earth do I have to convert it to a pdf first? And if the form has to be so damn perfect, then why don't they generate one for us to use? Seems to me, that would make everyone's lives a whole lot easier. But I'm just a poet, what do I know?

You know what else sucks? Not drinking soda for a whole week. Coffee is not the same. I miss my carbonated sugar.

Oh, yeah, and then I get home and there are 2 rejections in the mailbox. Hello salt, meet wound.

Upstart

We had tons of fun at the Upstart Crows open mic, see:

Me and Dave Mullen, Open Mic MC

Mary B and Eric

Snow... okay, so you can't really see much snow, but I tried.

And my magic boots, the true root of all the fun we had.

Does it seem odd that there are no pictures of people reading? That's b/c either I am an awful photographer, or my camera is lame.

*

I like my new profile picture. Self-portraits are fun.

semesterly teaching freak-out

Well, you knew it was coming.

Now that the semester is almost over and my thesis is finished (99% anyway; I still have to get some signatures and fill out one last form), I've been thinking about teaching. I've been thinking about how little work I've actually done in my classroom this semester. About how my students have a lot of potential but I haven't managed to tap into it.

This freak-out may be partially induced by the fact that my boss finally got around to scheduling my observation, which I've been hoping he would forget ever since he cancelled the original appointment back in October. But he didn't forget, and he's coming Monday.

This week, we're watching Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and tomorrow, they're writing their in-class essay on it. I haven't written my question yet. Some of the students hate the movie and most of them are totally confused by it, so I'm not sure where to go with it. I better figure it out soon, because I have to leave in about 40 minutes.

Other things I've been slacking off on for the last few weeks? Writing poems, submissions, PhD applications, working on my final projects, paying bills. I hope nothing is about to be shut off. I can't remember the last time I paid an electric bill (I mean, was it two weeks ago or a month, not "geeze, I haven't paid my electric bill all semester"). If life goes as planned and I'm an academic forever, I wonder if I will ever get used to the rhythms of academic life. I wonder if I will ever be able to get personal things done at times other than xmas break and summer.

*

My nephew is a senior engineering major. He's been talking to his profs about getting his masters, but he's got a job interview at his dream job in a couple weeks. In California. And the university is paying for his travel. Maybe I should have been an engineer. It's crazy how different things are between the sciences and the humanities. I guess everybody knows that, but I'm living in the middle of it, wondering how I'm going to pay back my student loans and he's interviewing for jobs that pay 4 times what I'll make as an adjunct next semester.

But I'm not in this for the money, right? It's still hard not to be a tiny bit jealous.

On the upside, everything I do has my name on it; everything he does has the University of Akron on it. Nobody gets to know how brilliant he is except me.

Perfection

The view from my back porch today: And the sun setting behind the tree that my landlord is probably going to cut down soon. : (

The weather this week has been awesome. I finally remember why I always say fall is my favorite season.

*

How do you decide which picture to use for bios/profiles, etc.? I'm sick of my profile pic, but nothing else seems right. And as soon as I think I like something, someone tells me it sucks. (Don't feel bad, Beth, you were right.)

Updates

The Fall issue of Wicked Alice is up! Go check it out. I think I went to high school with this contributor. Weird, huh? I thought I was the only poet from Cloverleaf. And somehow we both end up in the same issue of the same journal.

*

My thesis defense went super well, except for the part where I tried to explain my prose poems and started rambling like a moron. Oh well. Other than that, we talked about revision, my advice for other MFA poets (don't wait for your committee to ask to see your ms, don't start your ms in the first semester b/c you'll hate it by the end, and figure out who gives good comments and ignore all the rest), and whether f**k or screw is the right word to use (in a particular poem). Of course, Mom would say screw, but I think I have to go with the other. The worst part? Trying not to look at Mary because every time I did, I wanted to cry. I can't believe I'm leaving the NEOMFA. Why can't I just stay forever?

Oh, and the ms title. It started out as Hammers and Whiskey, changed to In the Weeds, but we've decided neither is right. What am I gonna call this thing?

*

Winter Wheat was also awesome, although more for the company than the actual conference, which seems to get smaller every year. I decided not to bring my camera, though, so you'll have to wait for Mary and Adam to post their pictures of the ghost town that BGSU's student union was yesterday.

There was some interesting conversation in our panel on the nature of the workshop...unfortunately, I don't think we solved anything, but definitely got some ideas. One thing that everyone seemed to think was worthwhile: typing one page worth of analysis/suggestions (which should be turned in to the instructor and the writer) instead of just jotting down annotations on the page.

Mary and I didn't get to dance very much last night, partially because we were totally beat, partially because the dj just wasn't playin' the right stuff. If only he'd played this:



*

Time to start grading. Now that my thesis defense is over, I have no more excuses for not being on top of things.

*

P.S. Thanks everyone for the good luck and congratualtions!

!!!

I passed! Yay!

13 hours left...

before my thesis defense! I really can't get my head around the fact that tomorrow will be the culmination of 3 years of craziness.

*

I feel myself working up to a really sentimental post, but maybe I'll save that for after my graduation reading on December 7.

*

Tonight, I'll be making some mix CDs for the drive to BG (A Fine Frenzy, Damien Rice, and Paolo Nutini will all be making appearances), reading through the ms one last time, writing down some notes so I don't just start rambling at my questions, and packing my suitcase (which smells like a frat boy because my nephew borrowed it last weekend and his cologne exploded in it).

*

Tomorrow, I'll be missing my favorite little guy's 4th birthday party. Happy Birthday, Philip!

Mary, don't read this! : )

Dear MFA grads (and folks with PhD's too, I guess),

What is a good "thanks-for-keeping-me-from-going-crazy-the-past-three-years-and-helping-me-learn-how-to-write-good-poems" gift for thesis committee members?

Actually, it's okay if Mary reads this because I know what I'm getting for her, but I don't know about the rest of my committee.

I suck at buying gifts. I'm a big fan of gift certificates. But that's just not going to cut it in this situation. Help!!

Signed,
a frantic almost-MFA grad

Simplify? Not yet.

This is going to be one heck of a week. First, I'll be driving all around the NEO stalking H.L. Hix. Okay, not really. But he's speaking in Kent today and hanging out in Akron on Thursday, and I'm going to try to make it to as many events as possible. But before that, I need to read some of his poems.

Then...Thesis Defense on Friday! Holy Crap! I know I'm ready. But it's still scary.

After that, it's off to Winter Wheat. Me and some other NEOpoets (Jen, Jay, and Jessica S.) will be talking about workshops, poetry pedagogy (is there such a thing?), and genuine responses on Saturday at 2:30. I'm thinking about doing a little celebrating on Friday night, but since Mary's job market talk is first thing in the morning, maybe I'll save all my energy for Saturday night. I'm looking forward to meeting some people (Gary, Adam, who else?) that I somehow missed at AWP last year.

*

Mom and Dad are moving to Florida. Well, nothing is set in stone just yet, but they've been talking to a realtor and their friends in Florida are scoping out houses for them. I guess I'm pretty unusual in that until I went to college, I lived in the same place my whole life. Mom and Dad bought the house I grew up in in 76 or 77 and have lived there ever since. But now they're moving. I would love to be in a position to buy the house from them, but I don't think my tiny little stipend will pay a mortgage. Besides, I'm supposed to be leaving, too.

That's what's really weird. Mom and Dad's house has always been the center of our family, and we (me and my 4 sisters) have tried to stay relatively close (except Carla, who has been bouncing around for the last 10 years with her then-boyfriend/now-husband while he learned how to be a periodontist). Now, the folks are planning to leave, Carla's in VA, and hopefully I'll be somewhere far, far away, too. Maybe I'll end up at Florida State and I'll be able to "go home" on the weekends. Or maybe I'll end up in Nebraska and no one will come visit me because they'd rather take their vacation time to go see Mom and Dad.

Regardless of where I end up, I think my family as I know it will soon fall apart. I don't know that we'll stay as close when we aren't geographically close. (Although Carla and I seem to get along better the further away she gets, so maybe I'm wrong.) Most of us hate talking on the phone. Between jobs, limited incomes, and other obligations, none of us have the luxury of traveling frequently. We do like email though.

I'm afraid we're going to turn into one of those families that gets together on Christmas and can't wait to get back home. I'm afraid that my sisters and I will become distant, unfamiliar. I suppose I have as much control in not letting that happen as anyone, but frankly, I'm bad at keeping in touch between visits at Mom and Dad's house now, so how good am I going to be at it while studying for the comps or writing a dissertation?

My mother's favorite bit of advice is to not worry about something so far off in the future that you can't do anything about it. So I suppose I'm wasting time and energy fretting about this now. What I should be worrying about is those PhD applications, b/c if I don't get those done, none of this really matters, now does it?

The Biz

Lately, I seem to have forgotten the root of all this madness in my life: an absolute obsession with writing. When I decided to go to grad school instead of going on the HR job market 4 years ago, it was so I could find out if writing could be more than a hobby for me. Could I stick with it? Would I continue to enjoy it if I didn't have to steal the time from something else? Would I be able to hone my tiny gift into a real talent, a skill that might bring someone (besides me) some enjoyment?

The answer to all those questions is a resounding "yes," but I haven't written a poem just because in months. Everything has been about finishing my thesis. Will this poem fit? Will my workshopping buddies approve? Will my profs/thesis committee be proud of what I've done?

That's not to say that I don't like the poems I've written for my thesis--I LOVE most of them, I'm amazed at what I've learned and what I've managed to accomplish these past few years... but today, I'm feeling like everything I do is a business transaction. I'm tired of weighing priorities and itemizing every minute so I can keep up with it all. Where's the spontaneous creativity, the blood-pounding, skin crawling need to put pen to paper? Have I intellectualized it away?

This isn't a crisis of faith or anything; I'm not changing my plans for pursuing a PhD and I'm going to continue trying to publish, I'm just worried that I'm taking myself and this part of my life much too seriously. I need to let the joy back in. Maybe throw away the to do list and just follow my whims. But that's not very practical, and I still have a lot to do if I want my plans to work out the way I think they will.

Maybe this has to do with the fact that I completely, completely bombed the subject test this morning. I'll be surprised if I'm in the 40th percentile. I care only because I usually do better, because I usually try harder...but I chose not to study and what can I expect after making a decision like that? I'm still hoping that the other parts of my application out weigh whatever the outcome of this test was, but I'm embarrased that I didn't put in more effort.

Alas, there's nothing I can do now, except go pour a glass of wine and try to relax. I can start stressing out again in the morning, right?

Traits of Unsuccessful Test Takers

1. Watching TV instead of studying
2. Taking naps instead of studying
3. Surfing the internet instead of studying

*

I'm not expecting much from myself on the subject test tomorrow. I'm crossing my fingers that my writing sample, personal statement, and general test scores will do enough to get me in the door. Plus, half the schools I'm applying to don't require the subject test.

I've got just over a month left before I graduate. I'm terrified.

non-commital

For some reason, I'm finding it very difficult to stick with one book until it's finished (except books I have to read for class). Right now, I'm somewhere in the middle of:

• Neon Vernacular - Yusef Komunyakaa
• The Little Book of Guesses - John Gallaher
• Clueless in Academe - Gerald Graff
• The Demon and the Angel - Edward Hirsch
• A Company of Three - Varley O'Connor
• Gathering the Tribes - Carolyn Forche (imagine the accent mark, b/c I don't know how to make one)
• Nickeled and Dimed - Barbara Ehrenreich

The worst is The Demon and the Angel, which I started sometime in August. I imagine I would be enjoying all of these books a lot more if I would just spend some quality time with each one individually instead of haphazardly grabbing one off my desk when I have time to read.

*

I tried to have a discussion with my students about gender roles today. Well, I did have a discussion with them, it just didn't go the way I imagined. I thought it would be pretty standard for people younger than me to have at least borderline feminist thoughts about marriage and gender equality, but they don't. We started off talking about men & women's roles w/in marriage, and probably 2/3rds of my students said a traditional division would be best. Then I asked them about Hilary Clinton, and no one thought America would benefit from having a female president (no mention of her actual qualifications, just her gender). When I asked them why it mattered that Clinton is female, the answer was pretty much "because it does."

Now, I'm not a politically minded person. I don't follow it all as closely as I should and certainly don't get fired up about much. But I was shocked to see that even the few students who were against traditional gender roles in their personal lives thought that a woman president would be bad news. I guess I'm more of a feminist than I thought.