Retrospective

I've been in a weird place the last few days. Working the normal 8-5 shift is not sitting well with me and my internal clock. I know for sure now that I can never go back to the corporate world full time. I didn't know how bad it was for me back then because it was all I knew, but now, having been on a much more flexible schedule for the last year and a half, I know that I am not fully functional during the day. Going to bed at 10:00 wastes my most productive and creative part of the day (late nights). Also, leaving my house before the sun is up and getting home after sunset is really not good for my mood. I've been sad and weepy all week. Thank goodness today is the last day.

I'm anxious for New Years Eve (even though big party holidays are always a let down) because I haven't seen some of my friends since school ended. I'm also cautiously excited about 2007 and a little sad/nostalgic for 2006 already. It was a great year. I taught my first class, finally got to visit the west coast (although I didn't get to see the ocean), made some great new friends and reconnected with some old ones, got my first acceptance letter (although I have to wait til February to say I've been published), had an awesome, debaucherous weekend at Put-In-Bay, and spent the whole summer relaxing and writing instead of getting some crappy part-time job. Even though most of these adventures were expensive and have left me quite broke, the end result is that I am a happier, more well adjusted person now...and things are still looking up.

In 2007, I am going to send out crap-loads (that's the technical term) of poems, finish my thesis and get my degree, and make a decision about PhDs. Somewhere in there, I hope to have time (and money) to spend with my family and friends...maybe a road trip over the summer since I'm sure I can't afford to go to Europe like I'd hoped. I'm excited to see how things turn out.

Well, there's a Nora Roberts novel calling me. Yes, I read romance novels between semesters. Leave me alone.

Funny Bunny

I used to have a pet bunny (about a year ago, not when I was a kid), and this bunny was mean. He attacked me every time I tried to feed him. Later found out he was blind and didn't know that I was trying to feed him, but that didn't make me like him any better. Anyhow, I found a picture of him today. Made me laugh out loud.

Third time's the charm

Lots of blogging today...turns out I have a hard time focusing on one thing for 8 hours straight. Go figure.

I've also realized today that I prefer to revise poems on paper. Didn't know that before. I suppose usually my revision process entails fixing line breaks and changing a word here or there, but the poems I'm working on right now require major surgery, which is easier to do on paper for some reason. Sadly, this means that I haven't gotten too much done. (Because I don't have access to a printer here)

Also sad is the fact that I've decided about 12 of my rough poems will never be anything more than they are right now. So much for 100 poems. Between combining rough drafts that were too similar or dealing with the same subject and junking some others, I'm down to 81 lines on my spreadsheet. : (

And finally, a random question. How come I get a temp job the same week that all my friends and family are in from out of town, and how come they all want to see me on the same day?

Wait, that wasn't final. I also want to know, is "how come" an Ohio thing? or worse, a Tracey thing? I was picking on my mom the other day for asking me to "go down the basement." Not "go downstairs," or "go down to the basement." This is another linguistic picadillo that I can't identify. I'm okay with regional things (unlike Bailey, who seems to be offended by her own Ohio-ness) but I don't like it when my family butchers the English language and rubs off on me.

Yep, I like this one better.

Blog roll and stuff

I've decided to add a blog roll to my blog this morning. I don't know how long it will last--I'll have to try it from my laptop before I know if I really like it.

I don't know if there's some kind of blogger etiquette about adding people to blogrolls, but if you find yourself here, it's b/c I enjoy your blog. Hope that's okay.

I want a new template, too...I really don't like the font or the layout of the headers and titles on the old one, and I don't know enough about HTML to fix just the parts I don't like. We'll see what happens. Hopefully I don't ruin anything in the process.

The benefits of staying home on a Friday night

I just got news that I will have a poem in the inaugural issue of Hobble Creek Review. I am considering this my first Christmas present. Merry Christmas to me.

I also found out today that my temp job for next week is going to provide me with much time for writing and research, as everyone who works for the company is on vacation next week. It's like getting paid to write poetry. Merry Christmas to me, again.

I hope everyone else's holiday is as fruitful as mine.

I'm serious about that metaphor thing

I find it really difficult to think of fresh, unique metaphors. I'm okay with similies, but you take out like or as and all of a sudden, I'm on a bike without training wheels for the first time. Wait, is that a metaphor? Crap. I guess I can do it when I'm not trying. Well, maybe that isn't fresh and unique, which is really the goal.

Once, in a workshop, someone said, "I know you're not really a metaphor kinda person, but this poem could really use a few." That's when I realized I had a problem.

My other problem: sometimes I write prose with line breaks. Which begs the question, why don't I just write creative non-fiction? I'm not quite sure.

Changing the subject.

I have this kernel of an idea for a manuscript, and about two poems that might be the beginnings of that manuscript. It will be called Trailer Park Debutante and said debutante is a stripper. She's not the main character, at least not now, but she's pretty important. What I'm trying to figure out right now is her signature song. I want it to be a little bit cliched, but a little bit edgy, if that's possible, and I am dying for suggestions. I'm thinking either classic-rock, 80's-hair band, or southern rock a-la-Lynyrd Skynyrd, but right now the only song coming to my mind is "Cherry Pie" and that's just too obvious. Please help!

Getting back on track or I Love Excel Spreadsheets

Well, enough talk about smoking and dress shopping. Back to the real topic of my blog. Poems!

Last night, I organized my word files and updated my submission records in Excel. I added a worksheet titled "all poems" so that I could track every draft that I have in progress and what stage it is in. Granted, I will be as likely to keep this spreadsheet up-to-date as I am to suddenly sprout wings and fly, but the dorky admin in me loved every minute of compiling my data. And, even better, it turns out I have almost 100 poems in some form. Only about 15 that I think are ready for public consumption, but 100 to work with. Theoretically, I don't have to write any new poems for my thesis, I just have to revise the ones I've got. Theoretically, I say. In reality, probably 20-30 of these "poems" are nothing more than rants or laments and they may have a line or two worthy of keeping. I'm still pretty psyched that there are 100 lines of data on my spreadsheet, regardless.

The other thing I'm proud of about all this Excel business? I realized that I have 12 poems out in submission land being considered. That's the most I've ever had out at one time! (I know, small potatoes for you professional submitters, but a big deal for this rookie.)

Next on my poetry to do list...learn how to use metaphors!

Totally off topic

This post will have nothing to do with poetry or teaching. It's my blog, so I have a right to do that, don't I?

I try to avoid shopping at times when other people go shopping. Saturdays and Sundays being the most important days to avoid (although I also try to avoid the after-work rush on weekdays). This is especially important during Christmas shopping season, since I have a short temper, and even more important this year since I'm trying to quit smoking and am shorter tempered than usual. Crowds make me twitchy.

I broke that rule today because my best friend since 5th grade is getting married and we had to go dress shopping today. I picked out a dress (left) that is disturbingly similar to the dress I wore to my sister's wedding a year ago. The only difference is the color and little bit of sequins. Really, who needs 2 floor length, strapless ballgowns? Sadly, it seems there is only one style of dress that is flattering on my less-than-perfect body, and my best friend didn't want me to wear red.

I love my sister, and I love my best friend, but god save me from ever having to be in another wedding that isn't my own! I'm going to start wearing ball gowns to school. Otherwise, I'm just not getting my money's worth.

The worst part about the whole day...I didn't finish my Christmas shopping, which means I have to face those crowds again! I assure you, the next time, it will not be on a Saturday afternoon.

Excuse me while I rant for a moment

I'm trying to quit smoking. For those of you who don't know me, I do this several times a year. Each time, I believe it will stick. I don't intend to drive my friends, family and coworkers crazy with my rapid-fire mood swings and random bitchieness, only to start smoking again two weeks later. I really believe I can do it, every time. This time is no different. The thing is, I have a lot of pet peeves, and when I'm nicotine deprived, those pet peeves become, well, things that really get me going.

Here are just some of the things that have annoyed me today:

1. Rosie O'Donnell and this little incident. I don't think Rosie was using all her brain cells during that segment, but I think the offended parties may be going a little overboard.

2. Payment Books. When I was leasing my car, I got a bill in the mail every month. Now that I have refinanced that same car, I have a payment book, which means a) I have to remember when it is time to write the stupid check and b) I have to use my own envelope. I don't know why they can't just continue mailing me the damn bill.

3. Mailmen (I'm sorry, Mail Carriers) not coming at their regularly scheduled time, which means that above mentioned bill did not get picked up when it should have, because the mailman (person) came two hours early today.

4. Wonky Ohio Weather. I thought it was supposed to be warm today, but apparantly, only unitl noon. Now it is cold, very cold, and windy. But wait. Tomorrow, it's supposed to be 58!

5. Christmas shopper traffic. 'nuf said.

6. The Christmas/Holiday Tree, Chrismakah, Chrismakwanzakah, debate. Celebrate what you want to celebrate. Call it what you want to call it. And in the spirit of the season, be forgiving when someone wishes you a happy fill-in-the-blank and you don't celebrate fill-in-the-blank. Its like this. They are wishing you happiness, not trying to convert you.

Alas, I can't think of anything else to whine about. On the upside, I've already saved $8. I will do my best to make this my last craving-induced blog post.

I'm standing at the edge

Well, I wrapped up fall semester yesterday. Turned in my last minute projects, student grades, and held office hours from 12-2 so my students could pick up their portfolios. I am done.

This should make me very happy, as I've been anticipating it for days, no, weeks. But this is what happens when I find myself with a multitude of free-time. I become paralyzed with the possibilities. What to do first? What to put off? Where do I begin? Should I start off being practical--catch up on laundry, go to the grocery store? or should I start with the good stuff--bury my head in a book, write five new poems that have absolutely no point and no place in my thesis? I can't decide, and so I find myself piddling around doing nothing... which is very, very dangerous.

Anyone else feel like this at the end of a semester?

The end is in sight

Well, I spent all day Friday commenting on Intro to Poetry portfolios, all day Saturday grading English Comp portfolios, and I am now done grading for the semester. All that's left on my to-do list is to write my teaching philosophy, which I have clearly been putting off.

I did take a little time to go through some of my old Comp stuff (remember, I did a year in the comp program before I switched over to the MFA) and I'm really struggling to put it all together. I wish I'd had an assistantship that first year. It was so hard to take comp classes without any teaching experience, and now it's really difficult to write a philosophy, using comp theory to back it up, when it has been 2 years since I took a class. I mean, there was practicum, but my prof for practicum is a social constructionist/social epistemic/critical pedagogist (I'm not really sure which label is exactly right, but he does a little of them all, I guess) and I am definitely not. Hence, the reading we've done this semester is kind of off.

Don't get me wrong. There's some stuff from these camps that makes sense: democratic classroom, sharing authority, etc. But I don't want my class to become a political forum, and I don't want any unneccesary conflict in my class--the kids are already set up to be competing against each other and testing my authority. Let's not help them out.

I fall in more with the Expressivists (Dr. Svehla always calls me a writer teaching writing, which I love the sound of) and maybe a little of the pragmatists. I think personal narrative is the best way to learn to write because it allows beginning writers to focus on craft, rather than on complex subject matter. I think if you learn to write well about your own experiences, learn to use examples from your own life to support your opinions, then it is easy to transfer those skills to a more academic topic. I don't think my class was all fluffy bunnies, but I do think my students excelled when I asked them to analyze themselves, their lives, and their beliefs rather than some arbitrary topic.

But who can I quote to back this opinion up? Probably Murray, Elbow...who else? It's been so long I'm already forgetting the names. Which means I have a lot of reading to do (rather, skimming and reading what I highlighted two years ago) to get to where I'm ready to write this philosophy paper. My goal is to have it done on Tuesday, so that break can officially start on Tuesday night, but maybe that goal is too lofty. Maybe I should take my time and turn it in on Thursday or Friday, after I've had some time to incubate my thoughts.

At any rate, blogging about it isn't going to help, so I guess I should sign off. The next time you hear from me, I'll be on Christmas break. Hallelujah.

I'm going to miss these little heathens

Today was the last day of my first ever English Comp class. I collected portfolios, took pictures, and sent them on their way. Two of them hugged me while they walked out. I almost cried. I thought I'd be happy to see them go...it's been a stressful semester...but I was sad. I'm so sentimental. I'll always look back on this semester fondly, and this bunch of kids was a good initiation into the teaching world. I know not every class is going to be this good, but I hope that next semester comes close. Oh, and I'm finally on RateMyProfessor.com. I got a chili pepper!

diversion

Trying to catch up on some reading responses I've been putting off all semester...and I need a break, so here I am.

I went to Borders today. Had a $50 gift certificate and managed to spend $50.90...how good am I? I bought Louise Gluck's Wild Iris, and two books that I'm hoping will help me put a new spin on my family poems: Don't Know Much about Mythology, and Grimms' Tales for Young and Old. I'm hoping to find some stuff about sisters in the mythology book--since I have 4, I've always thought something with the fates or the muses in a sister poem would be cool--and who knows what in the Grimms' fairy tales. So much cool stuff about family, gender roles, coming of age etc. in those fairy tales...especially before they were watered down for Disney. Now I just need to find the time to read them.

But back to the more pressing work...right now I'm writing a response on Philip Levine's "What Work Is".

Sunday Morning Coming Down

This has been a weird weekend. Instead of grading, working on my final projects, or putting together submissions, I read a romance novel. (I'm a slow reader, so this really did take most of the weekend up to this point.) Romance used to be all I read, until grad school came along and took away all my time for "pleasure reading." Not that I don't enjoy what I'm reading for school, but it's not the same as picking up 300 pages of fluff and getting lost in a cliche. Now, most of the time, I try to read more "literary" fiction and contemporary poetry in my free time, but I needed a break (actually, I couldn't sleep on Friday night, so I picked up an old book thinking it would lull me to sleep. I was up til 6a.m.). The sad thing is, I can't fully enjoy a romance novel any more because I can see how bad the writing is (not to mention the editing...I found a "to" where a "too" should have been). Sometimes I think I'll still write one of my own, though, get a contract with Harlequin and a pen-name, and make myself a few bucks.

On Friday, I admitted to my students that they were the first class I ever taught. They were surprised, which was pleasantly surprising for me. I'm anxious to start my syllabus for next semester--I was assigned two new text books so I want to figure out how I'm going to use them (they're so much better than the one I had this semester!), but I can't justify working on next semester when there's still so much to do for this one. And I just wasted two days on bodice-ripping nonsense.

There's only one week of classes left, then exam week, which is just grading and finishing up my practicum project. I can't believe how fast this semester went. I never even had time to think "God, is this ever going to end?"

A year from now, I'm going to graduate with my MFA. I don't have a thesis committee tied down yet (yikes! What if they don't agree on such short notice?) and I have virtually no publications. Time to get my ass in gear (as my mother would say).