spreadsheets, snowboots, & goodreads

I've been building a ginormous spreadsheet of all the lucky journals who are going to have the chance to consider my poems in the next month or so and when I need a break from the geeky Excel stuff, I work on poems. The poems are in worse shape than the spreadsheet. I have a lot of rough drafts, a lot of half-formed ideas. I haven't sat down to make the poems do what poems do in a long time. I'm going to have to before the big winter submission. The HUGE winter submission.

*

My Barberton day went swimmingly. The students were sweet and sharp and asked great questions and it was toughtoughtough. I don't know how you high school teachers do it, 5, 6 classes a day, 5 days a week. I admire and am awed by you.

I don't think I'll be banned from Barberton after all.

*

I bought a pair of snow boots today. I'm going to hate myself for saying this later, but right now, I can't wait for it to snow so I can wear them. They're cute and furry, but in a subtle way. You know, they're not giant fur leg-warmers like Chippendale dancer boots.

*

Flood Year is on Goodreads. I hadn't logged into Goodreads for at least six months, so I didn't know until today. I have one review (from Karen) one person currently reading (Brandi) and I'm on one person's to read list (Susan Slaviero). It's a darn good beginning, I'd say.

*

Did you know Costco sells diamonds?

In which I do not work on my paper or study for my Italian exam

I'm manning (err--womaning) the office for the afternoon, and then off to take my Italian exam at 6pm, and in the meantime, I should be doing some homework (studying for said exam, perhaps) but it seems all I can do is toggle back and forth between email and facebook without the energy to actually write any emails or say anything interesting on facebook. I had a little burst of productivity at the beginning of the weekend, but Sunday and so far today have been rather uninspired. The semester is nearly over: in terms of work, I just have the exam, revising 3 poems, finishing the paper for the postcolonial class, and grading 12 portfolios for intro to poetry. In terms of time, I plan to be done with the semester before I start my yoga class at 5:30 on Thursday.

On Saturday, I leave for Ohio, where I'll be for 3 weeks (bring it on, house robbers) hanging out with the folks and their crazy (but lovable) dog.

Looking forward to doing some pleasure reading (too bad there's no new Twilight-esq series to read--or is there?) and getting together some poems to submit--I never managed a fall submission and almost all of my spring/summer subs have come back...no good news. My ego is slightly bruised, so hopefully the next batch will have a better reception.

I guess that's all for now. Have a nice Monday, folks.

don't worry

I think it's just a run-of-the-mill chest cold. Still, it's perfectly crappy timing, what with the reading on Friday and Ohio next week. I hate bringing germs to Ohio and my mother and her borrowed lung and compromised immune system. Hopefully I'm better by then.

*

I did something unwise over the weekend, and I think I'll continue to do unwise things all my life because they are oh-so-good for poem starters. Like the little half-egg carton full of fire-starters that girl scout leaders take to camp, I carry all my stupid decisions with me and pull one out when the kindling is damp. If everything I did was premeditated and made perfect sense, I would definitely not be a writer.

*

Tomorrow is the deadline for the Juniper prize, which I had originally planned to submit to, but I've been lazy the last few days (blame it on the cold) and am not totally ready. Then I was looking over the guidelines and realized the Juniper prize isn't a first book contest, and well, maybe I don't want to enter open competitions. Am I just making excuses so I can miss another deadline, or am I being smart and saving $25 on a contest I have no chance of winning?

*

Time to go to Italian class. Ciao.

a little of this, a little of that

I made a pot roast today, and even though I got advice from almost everyone in my immediate family on how to do it properly, I was still disappointed. And then I remembered: I don't even like pot roast. But I love the potatoes that go with it. So for the potatoes, it was worth it. And the meat was on sale for super cheap so meh, no big deal.

*

When I called my sister Beth to ask about the pot roast, she said she misses me more when I don't blog. So, I guess I'm going to try to blog more.

Speaking of missing people, I'm heading to Ohio in two weeks. This is the longest I've gone (10 weeks) without a trip to Ohio since I moved here. It gets easier but it's still so freaking hard. I wouldn't have to make pot roast for one if I lived closer to my family...

*

My poem-a-day experiment is failing. As usual, the first two weeks were strong, the last two weeks not so much. But still, I'll have 10+ drafts to revise (and another 10 or so to throw away).

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I proofed the galleys for Flood Year this morning. It really is happening! (ps - Karen, you'll be getting a copy of my chapbook as soon as I get my author copies. As will the rest of you who I've promised to trade with.)

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I still haven't sent out In the Weeds. I'm thisclose, though, I swear. Just have to fix the page numbers, print it out, and label the envelopes.

*

Some days, I still don't know what the heck I'm doing in academia, what the heck I'm doing in front of a classroom, or even how to write a poem...but for the most part, life is making more sense than it has in a long time. Ssshhh, I don't want to jinx it.

*

I take back what I said about Italian class. I study about 10 minutes a day and have a 98% so far, so I guess the way my instructor teaches works just fine. On my first oral assignment, I lost two points for my "midwestern accent." Guess I'm gonna have to work on that...

*

I think I'm coming down with the swine flu. You see, normally, I would say "I think I'm getting a cold" but since we get URGENT ANNOUNCEMENTS about once a week from the administration about dealing with excessive absences and sneezing into our elbows to contain H1N1, I'm pretty sure this sneezing and coughing I'm doing today is going to lead to my imminent demise.

*

My friend Andy invited me out tonight, and I said yes (before I realized I had the swine flu) and he said he'd text me later to let me know where. I just got the text and we're going to the Skylark which makes me unhappy for several reasons, first because it's in Pilsen which is like 800 miles away (okay, so an hour+ on CTA and 30 min/30 bucks in a cab), second because the last time I was there I am pretty sure I left a $60 tip (because I was embarrassed for drinking too much because the bartender was my student [In my defense, we were celebrating the last day of the first year of our PhD program]), and lastly because the beer there is not cheap. On the other hand, I've been a bit more antisocial than usual so far this semester, so I guess I can suck it up for one night.

Here I go...

Sorry, world...

too much going on these days--and too little internet time--to worry about blogging much.

I'm totally unpacked and settled into the new place (only a month after I move in) and getting a lot done in terms of poetry and class prep. The best part? Reading two blogger-buddies' kick-ass manuscripts.

Thinking about my family, especially my mom, tonight, and wishing I was still with them.

Going to go home now, pour a glass of wine, and stare out the window. It's that kind of night.

morning musings

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I still wish I was a better photographer. Or at least knew better how to use my camera.

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4 poems accepted for Arsenic Lobster this morning! Now comes the fun part: writing withdrawal notes. Also, they want a "less academic, more lively" bio. This is one of my greatest fears...having to stray from the form and say something interesting about myself. Perhaps one of you should write my lively bio...

*

I haven't left the farm since Monday afternoon. I made some progress on Monday and Tuesday, but yesterday, I watched TV most of the day. There are a million things I want to do while I'm here, but I also have to remind myself I'm kind of on vacation. This is the first time since, oh, I don't know, 2006 that I haven't had to work and also haven't had any real (read: professor enforced) deadlines. I have to allow myself to relax and decompress a bit. I'll be here two weeks--I don't have to get everything done in the first three days.

*

I was going to try to quit drinking coffee while I was here, but that's not working. Also, made a rule back in May that I wasn't allowed to drink alone anymore, mainly because I always buy a bottle of wine and then don't finish it, thus wasting money, but I've been drinking wine on the porch every night, all by myself. So much for rules/resolutions.

*

Today is my sister's birthday. Happy Birthday, Beth!

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I think I'm going to have taco bell for lunch. Then I'm going to go to one of the street side produce stands and have something very fresh and very healthy for dinner. Hopefully there will be zucchini involved. Maybe even an eggplant.

*

I guess that's all I've got for now. I'm sure it was terribly boring.

randomness

Some of the things my weekend will include:

• a drink with Anne
• much, much unpacking and organizing
  
• cleaning my old apartment
• trying to figure out where to drop off my old modem
  
• packing for my 3 week trip to Ohio
• driving to Ohio (third 6 hour drive in three weeks. Fun!)

*

I don't have internet access at home anymore. Trying to save money/be more productive. This has already changed my internet habits. Blogging just doesn't seem so important--but facebook still does. We'll see how/if that changes as I get more used to only being online once a day.

*

I will probably be blogging while I'm farm sitting, though, since they have wireless and I'll be taking pictures of horses and wild flowers and such.

*

That's all for now. Have a nice weekend.

Almost nearly

I move to my new place tomorrow. I'm almost nearly ready. Have to walk over to the Uhaul place a couple blocks away to get more boxes. I always run out, which usually isn't a big deal, bc I just start throwing stuff in trashbags and whatnot, but the movers won't appreciate that so I have to buy boxes. Sacrilegious.

*

I've taken to sleeping in such a position that my shoulder almost always hurts. Will someone please tell my joints that I am still in my 20's and not ready for them to start mutinying? (I can't believe mutinying is actually a word. Weird.) Will someone please tell sleeping me to roll over and put her arm in a normal position?

*

There was much revelry on Thursday and Friday nights, so by Saturday, the actual holiday (as you know) I was all out of my being-around-people fuel and sat around moping last night and being pissed at the neighbors for lighting off fireworks in a very unsafe manner. I know I was just in Ohio and am going back in a week, but I really wished I was at home for the holiday weekend--for mom's lung transplant anniversary and for sparklers with Philip the cutest five year old boy on the planet and for fireworks in the dark--on the upside, I did go to a yacht club party where they had white zinfandel for $1 and the band played country. They also played a little MJ for us, and man, I've never seen people get so excited about dancing/singing along to 'Billie Jean". I was on a sort-of-but-not-really date with the bass player of the band, which made me feel super cool, except for the part at the end of the night when I realized that the sort-of-but-not-really date would be our last. I guess it's better to figure that out right away instead of wondering for three days if he'll call. And why am I talking about this here? I don't blog about dating. Sigh.

*

I feel like summer is about to end. I move tomorrow and will be settling in for the next few days and then on Sunday I head back to Ohio for my 3-week house sitting gig. Then it's August when I get back and I have my first pre-semester meeting on August 17. Poof. Summer's over. But oh, how I look forward to my three weeks in the woods. I'll be so happy to be there I won't even mind the mosquitos.

On another topic entirely

I'm very greedy with my time. That's why I don't want children. Or pets (I've decided, after cat sitting for two weeks, that I'm not ready--and perhaps never will be ready--to have another living being dependent on me).

I know this is counter productive, but I like to know that I have full days--from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to bed--where I won't have to talk to anyone or leave my apartment. On these days, I feel like I can accomplish anything. But it has to be the whole day. No interruptions.

Which is why I'm writing this. Because I sort of have one of those days, except I should really go for a walk before it gets to be 95 degrees again (okay, so it's really only supposed to get to 85), and since I'm part of the working world, Saturday is the day you're supposed to do laundry, and the peapod guy is coming today because I was going to go grocery shopping yesterday, but the weather was awful so I just went online instead (by the way, it doesn't matter how much canned/frozen food you have if you don't have time to cook).

So. I'm wearing this embarrassing hippie dress that is not at all flattering but is nice and breezy to wear in the summer when my apartment is an inferno/sauna and I don't want to have to change into real world clothes that are required for leaving my apartment. And I don't want to have to try to deal with my amazingly frizzy hair. I just want to be a hermit. Is that too much to ask?

Apparently so, or I wouldn't be here venting about it.

duh!

Why didn't anyone tell me I was being a moron? Cadaver Dogs was not available through the library because it just came out. Why did I think it had been out for a while?

*

I found a spider on me while I was on the el today. Ever since, I've been having that creepy-itchy feeling like I'm covered in bugs. Ew.

*

What if I stopped blogging? Would I miss it? Maybe I'd write more letters. Maybe I'd write more poems.

I'm not going to stop blogging, but this is something I think about from time to time.

*

Plowing through my reading list. Love Denise Levertov even more than I thought. Love Charles Wright less. Feeling somewhat "eh" about Karen Whalley. Having trouble spending time with my library books. They're just so heavy and unbendy. Mary Oliver and Mary Kinzie are both pissing me off a little bit. (In related news, why do how-to-write-fiction books seem so much less preachy and finger pointing than how-to-write-poetry books?)

*

Since moving happens in less than a month, I'm trying to eat all my frozen and canned food instead of going grocery shopping. I may be a bit of an apocalyps shopper, bc I definitely have a lot of non-perishable food around. But June is really not the time to be eating non-perishable food. I want watermelon and zucchini and sweet corn (fresh, not canned!) and plums and artichokes... You get my drift. Canned pineapple and frozen brussel sprouts will have to do. I'm being practical.

*

I get to see my momma and my pops and my seesters in less than two weeks!! I wanna go now! (Don't tell, but I'm looking forward to driving with the windows down and the radio up almost as much as I am looking forward to seeing my peeps.) I'm going home for one of my nephew's graduation parties. I just looked at the graduation announcement which reminded me I graduated 10 years ago. How and when did I get this old?

*

I've spent the last 2 hours (minus the time I just spent here) trying to decide what I was going to try to accomplish tonight. Talk about Epic Fail.

progress

I've read five of the fifty books on my list so far, and started 2 more. I also ordered all the ones I don't own from the library (except for Midnight Voices and Cadaver Dogs, which neither the Chicago public library nor I-Share has (a tragedy, btw, that Illinois has such lousy poetry collections. I expect this sort of thing from Ohio...). Anyway, I'm going to have to hold off on buying either book until I get my finances in order, so my summer reading list might be down to 48).

I'm reading all the small books first, because those are the easiest to read on the train on the way to and from work. I don't know what I'm going to do when I'm down to all the books that weigh three pounds each.

*

It's time to purge. Clothes, files, books, everything. I'm moving again soon, and, let's face it, I'm a pack rat. If I have this much junk that I never touch at 28, I don't want to think about what I'll be like at 48.

The trouble is, I don't know what to get rid of in terms of my writing. When do you toss old drafts?

*

I can't begin to explain why this is, but I've decided I want to be able to do the splits by the time I'm 30. When I was 15 and on my high school gymnastics team, I couldn't do the splits, so I don't know what kind of crazy pills I'm taking... but still, I'm going to try. Let the stretching commence.

*

I'm going to be house/dog sitting at the farm in July and am super-psyched. It will be more like a mini-residency than a house sitting gig because I'll be all alone out in the woods with nothing but time to write and read. The farm is a little too far from civilization (read: my friends and family) to see them regularly, so I really will have lots of time to work. Can't wait!

*

I guess that's all. Time to read before bed. Maybe a little Whitman. Nah...I'm feeling kinda prosey. Maybe The Noonday Demon.

Houseguest

This is Mia. She's living with me while her real family is in Europe. It's quite an adjustment sharing my home (and my bed--oy!) with my new feline friend. I'm still on the fence as to whether or not I'll get a cat of my own some day, but I have to say I'm pretty okay with the litter box. The biggest problem so far is that I seem to have an ant problem when her bowl is on the kitchen floor, so I'm keeping it on the kitchen table, which really wouldn't work as a long term solution. Anyway...

*

I started my summer job on Monday, which is good, bc I need cash, but bad because I got really used to bumming around all day. I'm so spoiled. It's low-key though. I set my own hours, wear jeans, don't have to talk on the phone or go to meetings, and I like the people I work with. I really shouldn't complain.

*

Everyone has been complaining about how cold it is, but I love this sort of weather. It can stay this way until November for all I care!

shift

I'm breathing a sigh of relief this morning because I think I may have broken through a little funk.

I was so overwhelmed with everything from this semester (and before that) that even though I was anxious to have time off, I didn't really know what to do with it. I wasted two weeks on staring out windows and playing solitaire on my computer and in general doing things that were not getting me any closer to my goals.

But last week was good. The MCA, the zoo, finishing a new draft of In the Weeds, and time with friends all contributed to a sense of agency and well being that I cemented yesterday with a thorough cleaning of my apartment. I started the spring cleaning right at the end of the semester, but I didn't finish it, and you know when you quit cleaning halfway through it just ends up worse than it started. But yesterday, I did it all. I dusted--a chore I hated with a vengeance when I was a kid--I scrubbed every inch of my bathroom, I vacuumed baseboards and heater vents. Let's just say my mother would be proud.

I readily admit I'm a slob. I leave things where ever I've been using them when I'm finished, I hardly ever do the dishes after I finish cooking or eating, my TV screen is always covered in a film of dust... I don't like cleaning and I don't (usually) consider it very important. But when I woke up today and looked around and realized nothing was on the floor, and the laundry was sorted and ready to wash, and the bathroom was sparkly clean when I went to brush my teeth, I realized that maybe cleaning is a little more important than I want to believe.

When I had a day job, I cleaned off my desk every day. Granted, this was partly because I was trying to shorten my workday (if I'm off at 5:00, at 4:50 it's time to straighten up). But people thought I was so organized--even anal retentive--that I became a sort of organization guru. I scheduled projects and people and made flow charts and color coded and collated everyone's projects. And I rocked at it. (I recently did a facebook quiz about being right brain or left brain--I'm left brain, it says, which sucks for being a writer, but works really well when you're in an administrative assistant type position.)

Anyway, I don't know why I'm writing all this. I guess what I'm trying to get at is that I need to figure out a way to let my old work habits seep into my working-at-home habits. Because I feel like I can do so much more today than I could have yesterday morning when my apartment was chaotic and messy.

Yesterday = Nothing

Yep, didn't go to the museum/reading and I didn't clean my apartment. I didn't even finish DB. I did go to the library and borrowed a few movies (not to self: selection is better on weekdays! duh!). So, last night I watched Sideways (eh. I didn't hate it but I won't watch it again) and No Reservations (one of the best romantic comedies I've seen in ages).

Today, I'm going to the zoo. It's sunny and already warmer than it was yesterday.

*

I'm getting anxious about my summer job--hopefully I'll be starting on Monday, but I haven't heard anything yet. I know the supervisor was out of town most of this week, but you'd think he could send us an email and let us know what's up. If I don't hear from him today, I'm going to have to go looking for some other work. But still, I'm glad I didn't go through with the original summer job.

*

That's all, I guess. Off to the zoo.

randomness & craigslist trickery

I did not spend the day writing as I'd hoped yesterday. As a matter of fact, I can't really remember what I did all day yesterday. I revised a couple of poems, including one really old one (summer 06, I think), went for a walk, read about half of Revolutionary Road. The rest of the day involved listlessly sitting in front of the computer or laying around. It was the first hot day of the year--84 degress and muggy--and my apartment is an inferno. I'm going to have to make a hot weather escape plan so I don't spend the whole summer fanning myself and whining like Scarlett O'Hara.

*

I live too far from UIC (not to mention most of my friends) and pay too much for my tiny apartment, so I'm going to be moving in July. Oh, how I love moving. I'm looking in the Logan Square area, so when I search on craigslist, that's what I type in. And this morning, I found my dream apartment--2 bedrooms, marble counters, hardwood floors, dishwasher & washer & dryer in the apartment,--all for $100 less than I'm paying now for a studio. Too good to be true, right?

I'm anxiously waiting to hear back from the landlord when I start mapping things out. And I realize that this apartment is not actually in Logan Square, only sort of near it (about 2 miles away, which should be not-that-far, but in Chicago feels very, very far). And the appeal of Logan Square, besides a whole bunch of my favorite people living there, is the close proximity to the blue line, which in turn makes it a quick and easy commute to UIC. Alas, my dream home is not anywhere near the blue line, hence making my dream home not dreamy at all.

If I hear back from the landlord, I'll probably still check it out, but...sigh. It was so much better before I looked it up on a map.

rude awakening

Had a dream this morning that woke me up (hence my actually remembering it). It was the mother of all "crash-em-ups" as my dad likes to call the chase/crash scenes in action movies. Started with a family on an on-ramp, and I don't know what happened to them, but they all got in an ambulance and then the ambulance got creamed by a semi. Then, someone stopped to help and another semi creamed all of them. And again, and again. The whole time, some people are half hanging out of the crushed ambulance and the parts of them that are hanging out are totally unscathed, but it's clear the parts I can't see are shot. I think some dismemberment was about to happen when I thought "f*** this" and opened my eyes.

And now I'm up at 6:30 for no good reason.

I wonder if my dreams are always so destructive, or if I've just been watching too many crime dramas on TV.

*

I am hoping to spend the whole day writing. The kind of writing where I lose track of time and forget to eat breakfast and in general act like the stereotypical crazy artist. Haven't had one of those days in a really long time. Wish me luck.

*

One more thing. This is a question for you more experienced poets. When you're revising poems in a manuscript, how do you keep it all straight? Sometimes I revise poems in separate files, sometimes I revise them right in the manuscript file. Clearly, I need to be consistent. But neither way seems efficient, especially when it comes time to do journal submissions. Help!

Library vs. Everything Else, Round 2

In continuing my library experiment, I went to the public library around the corner (yes, literally around the corner, 1/2 a block from my front door) and rented some movies. I then promptly canceled my Netflix account because with Netflix, I was getting 2 movies a month for five dollars, and at the library I got 3 movies all at once for zero dollars. I thought this was smart and economical. Until I returned my movies today and went looking for more, and discovered that the selection sucks. On the other hand, you can put things on hold at the library, which is kind of like the queue on Netflix, so I guess in the long run, I'm still saving $5 a month.

However...I still like to buy books. I went to Borders today because I had a gift certificate. Gift certificates are great except when you spend twice as much as the gc is worth. It's not that hard to do math in my head, but it is hard to decide which books I want to read--er, own.

Anyway. Here's what I bought today:

Mary Oliver, Dream Work
Denise Levertov, Selected Poems
Frank O'Hara, Lunch Poems
David Lehman, Great American Prose Poems
Richard Yates, Revolutionary Road

I promise myself and my bank account and my sagging bookshelves that I won't buy any more books this summer. Unless, well, unless I just have to have them.

As you might have noticed from the photos below, I am not currently in Chicago. After a hellish week of paper finishing, I headed back to OH for a friends wedding, and I'm sitting in my parents' spare bedroom right now burning CDs for my drive back in the morning. My car is filled with Ohio groceries and miscellaneous stuff I hate to buy in the land of 10% sales tax. When I get back, I'll be finishing up my grading for the semester, and then, who knows? All I do know is that I won't have to write another paper for several months, and that makes me very happy. I will write poems, read books that don't have anything to do with theory or rhetoric, and allow myself to catch up with the whirlwind that has been my life since this time last year when I hit the road for my summer of BBQ glory.

Oh, yeah, did I tell you I'm now 1/5th done with my PhD? I survived the first year!!

so, it's raining again.

I'm getting a little tired of these effing April showers. Especially since I lost my umbrella about a month ago, and then broke the one I bought to replace it. I haven't yet bought a replacement for the replacement.

*

I am totally in love with Garfunkel and Oates. Thanks, Daniela, for posting the video. Their song "Pregnant Women Are Smug" makes my day. Every time. I'm sorry, pregnant ladies. That song is just so damn true.

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My friends over at Artifice said they've been getting lots of hits from my link, which makes me feel like my blog is awesome. But really, you should send them some stuff.

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I'm going to see Philip Levine at the Art Institute tonight. This will probably be the highlight of my week.

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I have less than a week to finish my papers. I'm hoping that means panic will set in soon.

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I'm reading Brenda Shaughnessy's Human Dark With Sugar. It's lovely.

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I quit my summer job. When I first applied for it, I thought it sounded too good to be true--like, they pay so well, there has to be a catch. Well, the catch was, from what I heard, that there's lots of stuff you have to do "off the clock." The worst part was that I would have to give my students' parents my phone number. I'm sorry, but I hate talking on the phone and there's no job in the world where I want my "clients" calling me on my personal line. Frankly, I consider that an invasion of privacy that I'm not willing to sign up for.

I have a meeting today for a new summer job, one that is not trying to buy my soul for $500 a week. The hours are flexible and the pay is good. And the best part is--if I get this job, I should actually have time to write poetry!

*

I've almost--almost--made it through the first year of my PhD. Only 4 more to go (barring any unforeseen circumstances).

Oh dear...

I haven't gotten sick since I quit smoking (miracle!) but I suddenly have something that feels an awful lot like a sinus headache. Now is not the time!