shift

I'm breathing a sigh of relief this morning because I think I may have broken through a little funk.

I was so overwhelmed with everything from this semester (and before that) that even though I was anxious to have time off, I didn't really know what to do with it. I wasted two weeks on staring out windows and playing solitaire on my computer and in general doing things that were not getting me any closer to my goals.

But last week was good. The MCA, the zoo, finishing a new draft of In the Weeds, and time with friends all contributed to a sense of agency and well being that I cemented yesterday with a thorough cleaning of my apartment. I started the spring cleaning right at the end of the semester, but I didn't finish it, and you know when you quit cleaning halfway through it just ends up worse than it started. But yesterday, I did it all. I dusted--a chore I hated with a vengeance when I was a kid--I scrubbed every inch of my bathroom, I vacuumed baseboards and heater vents. Let's just say my mother would be proud.

I readily admit I'm a slob. I leave things where ever I've been using them when I'm finished, I hardly ever do the dishes after I finish cooking or eating, my TV screen is always covered in a film of dust... I don't like cleaning and I don't (usually) consider it very important. But when I woke up today and looked around and realized nothing was on the floor, and the laundry was sorted and ready to wash, and the bathroom was sparkly clean when I went to brush my teeth, I realized that maybe cleaning is a little more important than I want to believe.

When I had a day job, I cleaned off my desk every day. Granted, this was partly because I was trying to shorten my workday (if I'm off at 5:00, at 4:50 it's time to straighten up). But people thought I was so organized--even anal retentive--that I became a sort of organization guru. I scheduled projects and people and made flow charts and color coded and collated everyone's projects. And I rocked at it. (I recently did a facebook quiz about being right brain or left brain--I'm left brain, it says, which sucks for being a writer, but works really well when you're in an administrative assistant type position.)

Anyway, I don't know why I'm writing all this. I guess what I'm trying to get at is that I need to figure out a way to let my old work habits seep into my working-at-home habits. Because I feel like I can do so much more today than I could have yesterday morning when my apartment was chaotic and messy.