All Aboard!

This is the last stop before AWP, folks. I just have to eat breakfast and finish packing, and then I'm on my way to the airport. I am so excited!

Hopefully I'll get to meet some of you bloggers while I'm working the bookfair for RHINO and the NEOMFA or at any one of the cool events posted on your blogs. I'll be the one with bells on.

For now, though, I have to figure out just how many layers to wear for a 40 degree temerature change. Not that I'm complaining.

Good-bye Justin and all the rest of you sad people who have to stay home. We'll have a drink for you.

Forecast says:

It's going to be 70 when I get off the plane tomorrow. Imagine me doing a happy dance.

goin' to the chapel

This was one crazy weekend, but now my best friend is happily married and I am happily done helping her plan the wedding! It turned out to be a beautiful day, a beautiful ceremony, and a great party, even if one of my ex-boyfriends was there to torment me the whole night.

Now, I have to study for my midterm, shop, and pack for AWP. When I come home, it will be time to start working on term papers and what-not, but that's a lot easier than planning a wedding. This semester is flying by, which isn't really a good thing because I don't feel like my thesis is getting any closer to done than it was 8 weeks ago. Hopefully there will be some time to focus on it in the next couple of weeks.

ouch

Yesterday, I fell down the stairs. Today, I feel like a little-league baseball team attacked me in an alley. (or like I fell down the stairs. But the baseball team was a better visual)

Today, I forgot to go pick up my bride's maid dress. Tomorrow, I have to do that instead of visiting my parents.

Several of my already failing students didn't bother to show up for mandatory conferences. They all want to make them up tomorrow when I have to be at David's Bridal.

Folks, be kind to your friends. Don't get married in the middle of a semester when your maid of honor is in grad school.

In 6 days, I'll be in ATL. Silver lining, silver lining, silver lining.

I have student conferences this week. I have to tell 1/3 of my students that when I turn in mid-term grades, they will be failing the course. Will they revise their crappy first papers and start coming to class more than once a week? We'll see. I'm so jealous of my fellow TA's. Most of them have 10-12 students this semester. Me? I still have 24. Is it a testament to my fabulousness that no one has dropped?

The Thaw

It's 40 degrees this morning. That's 40 more than it was last week. The roads are clear (at least the ones that I can see from here) and I am very happy. And I know 10-day forecasts are notoriously unreliable, but it looks like it will be in the 60's in Atlanta next week. It's a much happier morning than yesterday.

I think I'm going tanning today. I know, it's bad for me. But so is smoking and I did that for seven years--a lot more often than I'll ever go tanning. It's just that I don't want to wear my strapless dress on Saturday with all my pastiness showing. and old tan lines. I promise, i only tan when I am in a wedding. and I've vowed to never be in another wedding, so this should be the last time i ever go tanning. I'm also going to get my nails done and my eyebrows waxed this week. For those of you who don't know me, I'm not usually very girly, so this is big stuff for me.

We're discussing Denise Levertov in CAWP today. Hopefully we actually discuss her, because I loved the poems we read. And finally, I feel like we're reading someone contemporary.

Everyone knows I love the NEOMFA, but there is one pet-peeve I have about it. The U of Akron observes presidents day today, so school is closed. Well, I don't teach on Tuesday, so I have the day off from Akron anyway. However, I do have class at Kent on Tuesdays, so I don't get to observe presidents day at all (Kent has Monday off, as any self-respecting institution should). Also, I don't get spring break this year, because Kent and Akron don't have them at the same time. I can't go on any trips, I can't veg out on the couch for four days, I can't do anything I wouldn't normally do. Bummer.

Feeling inexplicably sad this morning. My weeked was filled with friends and fun so maybe I'm just having a little withdrawl. This is the first morning I've gotten up alone since Friday--Thursday and Friday nights I had friends sleep over and Saturday night I stayed at a friend's. I've lived alone for a long time, so I'm not used to company in the morning, but this morning, it just feels too quiet, too empty in here. Maybe now is the time for a roommate. My nephew and I have been tentatively talking about getting a place together. Not sure yet if I want to give up my privacy.

Also, even though the sun is out this morning, every time I look out and see the snow drifts I get a little depressed. At least there's only 9 days til I leave for AWP.

This week is going to be busy and probably not all that productive. I have student conferences Wed, Thurs, & Fri, Mona's open mic on Wednesday night, and Friday-Sunday is dedicated to being the maid of honor in my best friend's wedding. I guess that means today I have to try to get all my homework done so that tomorrow I can clean and do laundry. Fun!

Next week, before AWP, I have to take a midterm in CAWP. A midterm! I thought you didn't get those in grad school. I don't think I remember how to study.

Watching Dead Poets Society in my comp class this week. At least I don't have to write any class plans.

Like a Virgin

Every week, I rush to get my reading, grading, and class plans done so that I can focus on my poems for a day or two. I carry around a folder marked "THESIS" in big black letters. I keep an excel spreadsheet full of poem titles, revision dates, submission dates, rejections, editors, publications, themes, where they're saved on my computer...and I update this on an almost daily basis. I have become neurotic about poems. neurotic about my thesis, a chapbook, a manuscript...which is which? where do the poems belong? does everything I put in my thesis have to end up in a book? where are the rest of the poems going to come from, and when?

I don't know if it is because I am consumed by this idea of being "A Poet" or if it is an actual problem, but things are just not moving fast enough for me. Strange thing is, I've written two or three poems in the last couple weeks that I really like and think are ready to send out--which doesn't usually happen so quickly--yet I'm frustrated, tired of waiting for inspiration to strike, tired of waiting for ideas to come to me. Aren't I poet enough to make the poems come at will?

I sent out a bunch of poems at the end of winter break, and most of them have come back to me already (which is what I wanted), rejected. That's okay. I know I'm just starting out and I know that rejections are part of the gig. I'm not complaining. But, now that I'm in the business of collecting rejection letters, I also need to be in the business of sending things back out. And I'm having a terrible time deciding which poems to put together and which journals to submit to. I was just reading Kristy's thoughts on on-line vs. print journals (a debate which I was only vaguely aware of) and I'm realizing there are journals that I "should" want to get into more than others. I don't really have any heirarchy in mind--except whether or not I like the stuff I see in them. Maybe I'm not paying enough attention to what is going on around me. Maybe I should know that journal A has a better reputation that journal B. But I don't. And I kinda want to keep it that way. Maybe it's altruistic, but I think if my work has merit, it will be appreciated regardless of where it is published (or where my degree is from--which is important since I'm getting my MFA from a relatively unheard of program).

I guess what I'm saying is that I'm having a little "coming of age" moment as a poet. I'm still excited, more excited than I can explain, to be writing and trying to get published and feeling proud when I tell people that I write because finally I can say yes when they ask if I'm published. However, I'm also becoming aware for the first time of the politics involved, of the strategy behind submissions, and that no matter how much I want it to be, it's not just about the work. I've always been good at working the system, learning the rules and making them work for me, so I'm not worried. But I am a little sad. Just like when I was 18 and realized that my first "true love" wasn't going to last forever. It opens up a world of opportunity, but leaves behind an innocence and naivete that I'm going to miss.

Well, I think that's enough pontification before breakfast.

Room with a view

Folks, that is a lot of snow. I woke up last night to a party in the hallway of my apartment building...people were celebrating that the U of A had closed. I went back to sleep, but this morning, I had a baileys and coffee for breakfast to celebrate.

I have all my homework done for the week already, so I'm going to try to get some poems written/revised today. I think I also have to spend some time planning out my class for the next two weeks. I was going to show Dead Poets' Society this week, but now that we don't have class today, I think I might wait til next week. If I do, that means I have to plan something to do tomorrow and Friday. Decisions, decisions.

I need to go to the store...I'm out of almost everything. I hope the snow stops soon.

What? Kent State closes at 2:15 today?

I am not a sissy!

Can we live through February?

It's snowing today, a lot, and all the local schools are closed. I get why the colleges didn't close for the cold, bitter temperatures, but I don't understand why they aren't closed for the rapidly falling snow, and as far as I can tell, the roads aren't getting plowed. Some of Kent State's regional campuses are closed, but not the main campus, where my class is. Still, I think I'm going to skip (my first missed class in two or three semesters) because I have an irrational fear of driving in bad weather.

I went downstairs with a basket full of laundry, but all the machines were full. Clearly I live with some folks who did get a snow day today, because usually on week day mornings, the laundry room is empty.

Oh, and you may be wondering about my frequent posting after my claim that my to-do list was devouring my life. Well, let's just say I was over-reacting. I hunkered down on Sunday and barreled through that list. Now I'm only feeling nominally overwhelmed, which leaves plenty of time for blogging.

Still crossing my fingers for a last-minute class cancellation.

Is it crazy

that I really want to be a part of this?

Yikes!

Do you ever have one of those days when you look at your planner/calendar/to do list and think your brain will explode? I'm having one of those. I just realized that I have something going on every day except tomorrow and next Sunday until after AWP. I'm sure everything will get done on time and with relative competence, but I'm not really looking forward to the next two and a half weeks anyway.

It's times like these when I wonder how much more relaxed I would feel if I didn't have technology in my life. No blogs to update or read, no DVR to record Grey's when I have to be somewhere on a Thursday night, no text messages or emails to answer... Perhaps, if I was a more disciplined person, I would not let these things take up so much of my time. I'm going to try, for the next two weeks, to only blog/read blogs/watch TV when everything else is caught up. So for now, good-bye. And don't anybody tell me what happens to Meredith and the big burning ferry next Thursday!!

Show and Tell

This is what happens when Sara has too much to do:

Imagine my whole apartment (and the back seat of my car) looking just like this.



And this is why I wish I still smoked:






Of course, my favorite is the sexy librarian. Why does Camel have to send me free goodies two months after I quit?

As promised...

a happy blog!

I finished all my homework for the week except for my poem. Now I have until Saturday morning to let my creative juices flow.

Just 3 tiny weeks til Hotlanta...where the world isn't frozen.

I was reading some theory last night...and it made sense! I think there's a saturation point where if you read enough of it, you just start to get it. Halle-freaking-leujiah. PhD's, here I come!

The sun is shining, and has been for several days. If I never go outside, I can pretend it is nice out. This is very unusual for February in Akron.

Now, it's time to watch Dawson's Creek while I eat my breakfast. What could be better?

Aggravated in Akron

When I sign up for a class called Contemporary American Women Poets, I want to read and talk about poetry. Not feminist criticism. Just like when I sign up for a poetry workshop, I don't want to spend 15 weeks writing ekphrastic poems. I'm starting to think that all profs should provide their syllabus for prospective students when it is time to register for classes because I am tired of getting schnookered into classes that I'm not interested in.

So far, in this CAWP class, we've read Stein, HD, Marianne Moore, Rukeyser, and Bishop. But, during our class meetings, we've discussed Saussere, Derrida, Gilbert & Gubar, Cixous, Freud, Lacan, etc. I'm okay with using theory to supplement my reading, but it seems the other way around. Let's just talk about some poems, please!

Meanwhile, I am not keeping up with my goal to write one new poem and revise one old poem every week. That seemed do-able at the beginning of the semester, but already I'm swamped. It's the middle of week 4. There's only 11 left. Not enough time!! Well, at least that means there's only 11 weeks left until Ohio is no longer a frozen tundra. I don't know why they call this spring semester, anyway.

I'm sorry, faithful readers (all four of you), for being so whiny. I'll try to post a happy blog tomorrow.

Just another manic Monday

Yesterday, at my best friend's bridal shower, there were a lot of teachers around (elementary school teachers) and they were all getting calls that their schools would be closed today. The kids have to walk to school, and since the wind chill is -20, they don't have to go. I have to walk to class! Why isn't my school closed??

I'm exhausted from planning the shower and putting it together yesterday. I don't like telling other adults what to do (I'm the youngest child and used to deferring) so I was very tense about "being in charge" of the whole thing, and I'm just drained. I would really love a day off. Instead, I have to brave the artic tundra for freshman comp, thesis meeting, and brides-maid-dress fitting.

Speaking of my thesis meeting...I just came across some interesting advice on putting together a chapbook (which is the goal of my 1st semester of thesis hours) over at B00k of Kells. She said:

If I have any advice for other poets working on a chapbook, my mind returns to my class with Ann Spiers:

1) Focus on a strict theme or telling a story
2) Look at your chapbook and instead of taking poems out to make it stronger, start with your strongest poems and write the ones that are missing.
3) Write, Revise, Repeat.

Let the story or theme emerge in your chapbook then focus on it completely. Decide what needs to be written and when it comes to poems you’re not sure are strong enough I follow this advice—when in doubt, leave it out.

This sounds like wonderful, thoughtful advice, but I'm a little terrified by it, especially that strict theme or story, since my family series seems to be unravelling rather than growing. I guess I'll just cross my fingers and start typing.

Humble Pie and Can English Save the Planet?

Part I: Humble Pie

Two rejections in 24 hours. Balances out the good news from earlier in the week.

Part II: Can English Save the Planet?

Today, this guy came to U of A to talk about composition. At the beginning of his talk, he asked "Why teach writing?" and at the end he said "to save the planet." Critical Pedagogy. Bleh! Why can't I just teach writing so my students learn to write??? I was really disappointed because I'm using his text book (which I think is perfect so far) and he didn't even mention it, or how it might be a tool towards this world-changing way of teaching writing. I suppose he might have during Q&A, but I had to leave for class, so if he did, I missed it.

At any rate, I still don't see how comp classes can/are supposed to change the world/society/culture etc. Don't college freshmen have enough to worry about without being urged to become political activists of some sort? Or am I still misunderstanding critical pedagogy? It makes me a little bit crazy trying to figure it out. Which is why I am no longer studying composition.