Every other day?

I don't want to give in. I don't want to say I can't keep up with NAPOWRIMO, but it seems I'm slipping further and further behind. I wonder, if I said I was going to write a poem every other day, would I be able to meet that goal?

I used to believe my first drafts came quickly, in bursts, but I don't think that's true. #12, which is actually something like #10, (just day 12) took a good six hours to write. The one before that--the one in which I didn't actually write anything--took 3 or 4 hours. The others came quicker, but they were short, and like I said before, they were kind of boring.

The other thing that's strange about writing a poem a day is that what should be notes for a poem, or the first couple lines of a poem, has to stand in for the finished product. My sister sent me an email yesterday and said, "Is it just me, or is there a theme of confession in these poems?" Yep, sure is. I write my obsessions, and currently confessions--both in a religious sense and in a personal sense--are taking up quite a bit of my head space. But does that mean I would write several poems about confession in a normal situation? Nope. It means I would bang away at one poem about confession for several days until it said everything I wanted it to say. (with the exception of "Confession 1946," which is part of a series and would have gotten written sooner or later anyhow)

So, is NAPOWRIMO productive? Or an exercise in frustration, futility, and guilt (because I do feel tremendously guilty when midnight rolls around (or I go to bed, whichever comes first) and I haven't written a poem)?

I have written more in the last 13 days than in any short block of time since I finished my thesis. That's good. But I don't know how many of these suckers are worth revision. And if I've generated 3 or 4 drafts that are just going to take up space in my poetry folders, what good is that? I have enough shitty drafts already.

Well, I'm not quitting yet. Maybe I just need a 2nd wind.