A few more random thoughts

The reading last night was wonderful. Craig's goat man never ceases to amuse me, and Doug Rice is freaking hilarious. I have never laughed so hard at a reading. He read a section from one of his books (I think it was Skin Prayer) and then a section from his memoir in progress. I'm not usually a fan of prose readings (short attention span, perhaps), but Doug makes every word count and does a lot of great things with language.

After the reading, a few MFAers and I had a depressing conversation about the job market and PhD's. For some reason, I am only mildly concerned. I guess that's because I am not doing this for a job. I had a job before I started, and I quit. I know I can get another. It might not be a tenure track job, it might not even be in academia, but I know I'll never be without work.

The thing is, when I started grad school I was about to turn 24 and felt like my entire (albeit short) adult life was spent living by default. I did what I was expected to do, or what was easiest, and never made any tough decisions. And I wasn't happy. In fact, I was really unhappy. The people in my life didn't challenge me, my work didn't challenge me, and I wasn't doing anything that I was passionate about. Today, I'm surrounded by people who encourage and inspire me, I'm doing something that I love, and I'm writing. Maybe not as much as I would like to be, but more than I ever have in the past. This degree is not a means to an end. It is an experience that I'm thankful for and enjoying every stress and anxiety filled minute of.

A couple of weeks ago, a prof that I've known since I was an undergrad told me that I looked happy, that poetry did good things for me, and that he could tell I had been lost when I came back for my masters, but that I'm not anymore. These are all things I know, but it was nice to hear it from someone else, someone who is virtually an outsider in my life. I feel like I'm about to start singing "Amazing Grace" or something, and I know it sounds cliched, but I really do feel like I am finally exactly where I'm meant to be. That's what I'm going to be thinking of this Thanksgiving. And I can worry about job hunting and student loans next year. Right now, it's all about the experience.

Life is good.