Random Thoughts

Well. I don't really have anything academic or poetic to post about today, but I hate to leave my blog un-updated for so long, so I figured I'd check in. I'm leaving for Virginia tomorrow but having a hard time getting focused on taking care of all the housekeeping crap I should do before I leave. I have lots of laundry and cleaning to do and I'm supposed to be getting my oil changed at some point, but it's 11 and I'm still in my pjs.

My excuse? I've been running non stop since I started working back in May. This week is the first somewhat unscheduled time I've had and all I want to do is watch tv and eat nachos. Not a good idea.

I'm working my way through "The Wasteland" per everyone's suggestion that I should start my reading list there. I've read it through once and now I'm on Eliot's notes. Then I'll go back and start over. I love self-assigned homework. When I finish compiling my list, I'll post it here, see if anyone has any suggestions. Of course, we all know I won't ever catch up, but maybe that list can become something on the "things to do before I die" list. Other things on the list? Visit all 50 states, go to Europe, sky dive, learn to surf, quit smoking... I've never really written this list, of course. It's just in my head. And changes depending on my mood. It's not much of a list, now is it?

I really, really want a puppy. At least I'll get to play with my sister's puppy, Niobi, while I'm in Virginia.

late night list

• I want a new hobby. Something creative but having nothing to do with words. For some reason, I am thinking about teaching myself to play the flute. I used to have the most rudimentary skills back in the day, and I think I could pick it back up with relative ease. But maybe I'm deluding myself. How much do flutes cost, anyway?
• Option B for the new hobby: painting. I already have some paint and canvas, but no brushes.
• Option C: Photography. But that would require a better camera. Why do hobbies have to cost money?
• It is time to expand my musical tastes from top 40 and indie girl groups. Any suggestions? I'm thinking more along the classical or bluesy lines. Something with instrumental artistry and no lyrics. Or Opera?
• I want to shut off my cable but I get twitchy just thinking about missing an episode of Grey's. I don't have bunny ears.
• I have been telling myself to go to the park for three or four days now. One day, I will listen to myself. What else is there to do for exercise when you are unathletic and uncoordinated?
• I still haven't been out to the farm. I'm going to send Karla an email right now.

when poem becomes blog post

I wrote this list as if it were the beginning of a poem. Then I realized it wasn't.

What I want tonight:

• A pack of cigarettes.
• A heavy glass ashtray.
• My favorite bic.
• A bottle of Baileys.

I've been a pretty good quitter (with the exception of a few drunk nights over break) but after one week of school, I remember why I am never a successful non-smoker. Don't get me wrong, I'm not throwing in the towel, not going back to my little foes...but oh how I miss them. (Yes, Courtney, if you're out there, I stole "little foe" from you.)

It seems that cigarettes and creativity are entwined together and with the urge to write comes the urge to light up. I'm trying to write...but my left hand keeps creeping away from the keyboard, looking for the cigarettes that haven't been there for...almost six weeks!! It's so stupid to sit here lamenting the loss of another vice--the same way I pine over men who are no good for me. I seem to have eradicated those men from my life, but can I do the same with my Camel Menthol Lights?

There is a void.