it's all downhill from here...

It's that time of the semester...you know, when your days are filled with equal parts panic and procrastination, when you know (because it's happened every semester for the past five years) that you will somehow finish everything even though you can't actually imagine how. The momentum of the semester is such that you can't quite keep up with your laundry or your dirty dishes, but you can find time to watch Grey's Anatomy reruns (again) and take two or three naps while you're "reading." ...when you take a half-hour to update your blog because, clearly, that's the best use of your time.

So, some updates.

Learning Italian
At the moment, I'm at New Wave Coffee, where in a little while I'll be meeting Federica, my Italian conversation partner. This is only our second meeting and quite possibly our last. This is for a couple of reasons, one being that I can't really see myself having time for another meeting before the end of the semester, which I think is when she returns to Italy; the other is that it turns out I don't get to take any more Italian classes, so the urgency to learn has fizzled. I wasn't using very much foresight when I decided to take 4 semesters of a 4-day-a-week class...as a grad student/TA, I just don't have enough control over my schedule. The class I need to finish my coursework on time conflicts with all three sections of Italian 102 next semester.

When found out about this conflict, I started looking into my other options and found out that the Spanish translation test is probably well within my abilities, so that's the new plan. Maybe someday I'll be able to go back and really learn Italian, but it's not going to be possible while I'm getting my PhD.

Intro to Poetry
I think I've learned way more in this class than any of my students, but that's okay. They're improving, they're writing interesting stuff, and they seem to be enjoying themselves. I can't ask for much more my first time out of the gate. In the future, I think I'll spend a lot more time preparing my materials and will without a doubt use a real textbook instead of a course packet. I also don't think I'll spend quite as much time workshopping if I teach this class again. It feels like we're repeating the same conversation every day, every poem, and the students would probably be learning more if we were doing different types of writing exercises, if we continued to read published work throughout the semester, etc. Like I said, I think I've learned a lot more than my students.

Workshop
I'm stumped. I turned in a revision last week that AW hated, completely tore to shreds, and I'm afraid now to revise the rest of the poems for the portfolio. It's so strange how some days she compliments what I'm doing and other days she just throws up her hands. I think one thing I gained during my MFA was the ability to defend my work even when a reader (mentor, even) didn't like what I was doing--but this past year or so has diminished that ability...I don't trust my gut anymore, and so I don't trust my work. I just want to finish a poem and be sure it's done, ready to be out in the world...and I can't remember the last time I felt that way.

Next Semester
The class that makes it impossible for me to continue with Italian is in Renaissance lit. It's not one of my main areas of interest, but it's a real, honest-to-goodness lit class: we'll be reading plays and stories and poems and not just theory! I can't begin to tell you how excited I am about that. I'm also taking two workshops, one poetry (with Christina Pugh) and one non-fiction (with Luis Urrea). It may not be a good idea to take 3 grad level classes, but I'm not teaching next semester, so I think it'll be okay. Plus, I've had this non-fiction project in my head since my last semester at Akron, and my newest poems are leaning toward flash non-fiction, so I really have got to work with Urrea when I have the chance. The best thing, though, about next semester? I only have to be on campus 3 days a week, and I don't have to get up at 6am every day!

*

And Federica will be here any minute, so that's all for now. Happy Thanksgiving!

I met my replacement today. She should be starting sometime next week, which means I will soon be back on summer vacation. Thank goodness.

Last night, I workshopped my first persona poem and found it infinitely frustrating. All of a sudden, I realize that the poems, as the are being generated, are too reliant on each other to stand alone. I can't explain just yet exactly how stumped I am by this predicament. Hopefully I'll figure it out soon.

This weekend is all about homework, errands, and Father's Day brunch at the Galaxy, a sorta-fancy restaurant near my home town. About as fancy as Medina county gets anyhow. And hopefully a good amount of sleeping. Come to think of it, I may be doing just that very soon. But I thought I should try to get some work done first.

Another rejection today. And I thought I had this one in the bag, especially because the envelope was thick... until I realized they returned the poems. Time to put some packets together.

Weekend Wrap-Up

Went to the Irish Festival downtown last night. (Down town Cuyahoga Falls, that is.) Didn't eat any food though, because I had just been to my mom and dad's for dinner. Kinda sad to go to a festival and not eat a gyro or a stromboli, but that's life I guess. After, I hung out with Jay and the guys from the band. That was fun too.

The job is getting to be less stressful, now that I know everyone's name and have figured out mostly how to transfer calls without hanging up on anyone. I don't know why that's so difficult to do!

The first of two summer workshops starts Tuesday. I am really, really looking forward to it. Some of my favorite people are in the class and I have a bunch of new/revised work that needs comments. I find that I am a little workshop dependent...I can do first drafts, even some revision on my own, but I can't call a poem done until I get at least 3 or 4 sets of comments on it. Someday I'll have to learn to trust my gut, but until then, I'm all about the workshop.

One of my nephews graduated from Black River high school yesterday. Black River is a district way out in the middle of no where (worse even than where I grew up) and my mom said that at least seven or eight guys in the graduating class drove tractors to the ceremony. People used to make fun of my high school and say that we drove tractors to school, but I never saw anyone actually do it. But I guess at Black River, it's the thing to do. (Anybody else hear "you might be a redneck"?)

To "ing" or not to "ing" and other stylistic concerns

In a workshop the other day, I mentioned that I didn't like verbs ending in "ing" in poetry. Mary says, "Oh, you're one of those," or something along those lines, and I get to thinking. Why don't I like "ing" words? At first, I think it is because other verb tenses are more direct, more impactful, but as I continue thinking about it, I realize that I only believe it because I have heard it over and over from a friend of mine who has always given me good feedback on my poems.

Needless to say, this got me thinking about all the other stlyistic choices I thought I had made about poetry, and realized they all come from someone else. I know it is impossible to spend a year and a half in various poetry workshops and not come away with some ideas that are influenced by others, but now I'm wondering if I even know what I like. (Anyone see the episode of Gilmore Girls when Lorelai worries that she likes everything she likes because her mother doesn't? That's how I feel.)

Now, with my chapbook nearly ready to send out and my thesis looming heavily on the horizon, I find myself asking: Did I write these poems, or did my workshops? This semester is probably the last time during my MFA that I'll take any workshops, so what is going to happen to my poetry and myself as a writer when I have to start making these decisions myself?