it's all downhill from here...

It's that time of the semester...you know, when your days are filled with equal parts panic and procrastination, when you know (because it's happened every semester for the past five years) that you will somehow finish everything even though you can't actually imagine how. The momentum of the semester is such that you can't quite keep up with your laundry or your dirty dishes, but you can find time to watch Grey's Anatomy reruns (again) and take two or three naps while you're "reading." ...when you take a half-hour to update your blog because, clearly, that's the best use of your time.

So, some updates.

Learning Italian
At the moment, I'm at New Wave Coffee, where in a little while I'll be meeting Federica, my Italian conversation partner. This is only our second meeting and quite possibly our last. This is for a couple of reasons, one being that I can't really see myself having time for another meeting before the end of the semester, which I think is when she returns to Italy; the other is that it turns out I don't get to take any more Italian classes, so the urgency to learn has fizzled. I wasn't using very much foresight when I decided to take 4 semesters of a 4-day-a-week class...as a grad student/TA, I just don't have enough control over my schedule. The class I need to finish my coursework on time conflicts with all three sections of Italian 102 next semester.

When found out about this conflict, I started looking into my other options and found out that the Spanish translation test is probably well within my abilities, so that's the new plan. Maybe someday I'll be able to go back and really learn Italian, but it's not going to be possible while I'm getting my PhD.

Intro to Poetry
I think I've learned way more in this class than any of my students, but that's okay. They're improving, they're writing interesting stuff, and they seem to be enjoying themselves. I can't ask for much more my first time out of the gate. In the future, I think I'll spend a lot more time preparing my materials and will without a doubt use a real textbook instead of a course packet. I also don't think I'll spend quite as much time workshopping if I teach this class again. It feels like we're repeating the same conversation every day, every poem, and the students would probably be learning more if we were doing different types of writing exercises, if we continued to read published work throughout the semester, etc. Like I said, I think I've learned a lot more than my students.

Workshop
I'm stumped. I turned in a revision last week that AW hated, completely tore to shreds, and I'm afraid now to revise the rest of the poems for the portfolio. It's so strange how some days she compliments what I'm doing and other days she just throws up her hands. I think one thing I gained during my MFA was the ability to defend my work even when a reader (mentor, even) didn't like what I was doing--but this past year or so has diminished that ability...I don't trust my gut anymore, and so I don't trust my work. I just want to finish a poem and be sure it's done, ready to be out in the world...and I can't remember the last time I felt that way.

Next Semester
The class that makes it impossible for me to continue with Italian is in Renaissance lit. It's not one of my main areas of interest, but it's a real, honest-to-goodness lit class: we'll be reading plays and stories and poems and not just theory! I can't begin to tell you how excited I am about that. I'm also taking two workshops, one poetry (with Christina Pugh) and one non-fiction (with Luis Urrea). It may not be a good idea to take 3 grad level classes, but I'm not teaching next semester, so I think it'll be okay. Plus, I've had this non-fiction project in my head since my last semester at Akron, and my newest poems are leaning toward flash non-fiction, so I really have got to work with Urrea when I have the chance. The best thing, though, about next semester? I only have to be on campus 3 days a week, and I don't have to get up at 6am every day!

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And Federica will be here any minute, so that's all for now. Happy Thanksgiving!

Where I'll be in less than 48 hours...

On Thursday, I'm going home and I'm so excited I can't concentrate. I am like a kid going to Disney Land for heaven's sake.

I have about 1,000,001 things to do, but none of them are getting done. Not reading Judith Butler, not working on my syllabus for comp 2, not writing/revising poems, not cleaning or packing...just playing around on Facebook and blogging. Really productive.

I don't know if it's because the trip home is finally in sight, or if I'm starting to settle in...but I haven't cried or freaked out in about a week. The thing is, I'm still not thrilled about what I'm doing here, but I'm trying to be more patient. I'm also giving myself permission to adjust my priorities a little bit...meaning that just because something is assigned to me, it isn't necessarily the most important thing in the world. If I don't dive face first into Heidegger and Derrida because I'm reading poetry, or if I slack on my comp syllabi because I'm working on one for intro to poetry, it's kind of okay.

What I'm most looking forward to, and what I've always been excited about in terms of getting a PhD, is studying for my prelims. I'm not actually looking forward to taking them, just to the year or so when all I have to do is lock myself in a library carroll and read. And, theoretically, everything on my reading list will be interesting to me, because I will be the one writing the list. So, in my new world-view, I'm just biding my time until I finish my course work and register for those reading hours.

Also on the happy side of things, I got my teaching assignment for spring today, and my classes are at 10 and 11, which means I don't have to get up at the butt-crack of dawn. Yippee!

Enough! I have to go try to accomplish something...

Updates and stuff

You may have noticed I changed my profile pic. The other one was getting old, I was tired of looking at it. But more importantly, the new one is, I think, a funny little collage of new and old. I'm at Lake Michigan, my favorite part of Chicago, and I'm wearing my lucky Akron sweatshirt (many, many good things have happened to me in this shirt). Maybe this pic will be a sign of good things to come...

Like the acceptance letter I got in the mail yesterday from Hiram Poetry Review. I guess it's not all lost in the USPS. I had a near miss with HPR about a year and a half ago--first time I ever had to withdraw a poem and the editor said he was just getting ready to send an acceptance. So, when they say "send more work," you should really send more work! Now, if I could just get myself to sit down and put some new submission packets together...but not today. Today is for Jorie Graham, Kafka and Deleuze, and Longenbach.

And voter registration...aargh. My Ohio registration was way out of date (try 2004 out of date...yes, I'm one of those awful people who only votes during presidential elections) so I tried to update it at the same time I requested an absentee ballot. Well, the good ole paper pushers lost my paperwork, so now I'm not registered in Ohio and today is the last day to register in Illinois. Hopefully the fact that I don't yet have an Illinois ID is not a problem. If it is, well, you can't say I didn't try.

And now, I hear the laundry room calling. Yes, I was up today before 6 am and already have laundry going. How ambitious of me. But I'll leave you with a little bit of scenery. I've never seen any lake the color it was on Saturday, and even though the leaves haven't turned here yet, I think this picture looks like fall.

Really no time for blogging, but in case anyone's been following the saga...I think the breakdown has passed. I've decided to bite the bullet and go back to Ohio a little more often than is practical, but that decision has me feeling like everything else is do-able. In the meantime, I've been scheduling literally every minute of my day trying to stay busy, and I think it's working.

My boyfriend is coming to visit on Friday, and maybe that has something to do with my better mood, too.

Alas, it's back to work, now. Revising my fancy, new-fangled comp syllabus.

Treading Water

I'm always glad when a semester is over, but this time, there's no peaceful break following it up. I have 9 days off before I start my whirlwind summer job and the second that slows down, I'm packing up and moving to Chicago. 9 days would be a pretty nice vacation, except it's not. Going to look for apartments next week, and trying to get some poems (and maybe a manuscript and/or a chapbook) in the mail before I start work so that I don't forget about being a poet.

There's a super exciting Barn Owl Review event tonight (check out the details over at Mary's), but for the sake of my sanity, I'm punking out. Speaking of BOR--my dear interview volunteers, I haven't forgotten you and I will be getting in touch this coming week before I start work. Bernadette Geyer is on-deck. She's been so patient and hopefully her interview will be posted by the end of next week.

So, as I mentioned above, I'm going to look for apartments next week. I'm only going to be in Chicago for a day and a half, but hopefully that's enough time to find something that A) is in my price-range and B) is not in a scary neighborhood so that I can put down a deposit. I think my stress level will drop significantly if I know I have someplace safe to live come August. I'm also a little stressed about whether or not I'm going to be in a studio or a 1 bedroom. I guess it doesn't really matter at this point, but if I'm in a studio, nephew/roommate is going to have to tap into his frat house experience and build me a loft for my bed. I'm sure I'll have photos and updates for you next week.

And as promised, here is my schedule for the summer. I know I'll be near some of my blogging buddies, and would love to see a familiar face while I'm out on the road.

May 23-26: Cleveland
May 28-31: Erie, PA
June 12-14: Winston-Salem, NC
June 20-22: Kansas City, MO
June 26-29: Cedar Rapids, Iowa
July 3-6: Naperville, IL
July 10-13: Lake in the Hills, IL
July 17-20: Des Moines, Iowa
July 24-27: Columbus, OH
August 7-10: Toledo, OH
August 29-Sept. 1: Indianapolis

Well, I think that's all. Owls, have fun tonight! Sorry I'm lame.

Quickie

I have ten minutes before I leave for the dentist, so quick updates.

• My personal statement is in shambles. Goal - finish first draft today so Mary can tear it to shreds tomorrow.
• Scrapped the body image project and instead, I will be writing a detailed, chapter by chapter summary of a memoir about my mother's illness(es) and my own reaction to them. Shhh, don't tell Mom.
• Tomorrow I collect portfolios and turn one in. Then grading and I'm just about done.
• I graduate on Friday. I graduate with a Master of Fine Arts on Friday! That's 3 days away. Holy effin' crap. Still have to pick the poems and think about witty banter for my reading so I don't start rambling.

This should be National Term Paper Month

It is still winter in Ohio. Please, please Mother Nature, can it be spring now?

I spent most of the weekend at my parents' house, eating lots of food, playing scrabble, and watching movies. Unfortunately, I didn't get any homework done and I didn't write any poems. So once again, I wake up on Monday morning feeling swamped. But then, I thrive on pressure, so the truth is I'm not complaining at all. Except about the weather.

Quick updates--the open mic on Thursday was tons of fun. We had a lot of funny poetry that night...for example, a terribly inappropriate ode to Maya Angelou that included the line "Oh, me so horny." I read my two new prose poems and everyone thought they were about the same person, which got me thinking...persona? We'll see.

Friday night I got to Mary's reading with CP a little late, but just in time to hear about St. Monica. The reception at Steve's house after was probably the high-light of my week. Almost all my favorite MFA peeps were there.

Two more rejection letters this past week. I'm crossing my fingers for some good news soon.

Well, time to get ready for school. I'm collecting rough drafts today and doing peer groups. It should go pretty quickly, and then I get to spend the rest of the day cramming.

I haven't done my taxes yet... crap.